They say that, in life even if you do not know the answers, if you know the right questions, you might be on your way to the path you have been searching for.
I had written a blog here, "for what purpose", about a few years back. Today i am re-visiting, the same dialogue, conversation, and thought. How many of us give a thought to an action before it is done. I am afraid not many of you? if you do, then, so good for you, but if you are like me and the majority of us, its most likely that you do the action and then give it a thought, why am I doing this, or why did I do this. Many may not even have an after thought, of their action.
In my last blog about purpose, I had mentioned a lady who asked me, for what purpose do you learn vocal-music, and I had a vague response to it, and I was also surprisingly, egoistically, angry with the lady and her question. Its as if, how dare she not understand my vagueness and ask me this. Of course i am the most philosophical person on earth and "she" should know that, music is learnt just for music itself.
Ugh! how vague is that!
Today, as I sit with my new found love which is, the guitar, I wonder, why am I learning this. Only this time, i have a more specific reason. I want to be my own musician because in the past i have faced lot of trouble, engaging instrumentalists to accompany my song practices. So much so that I have annoyed quite a few with my constant need to lean on them for my own practice. So here goes, yes i have a specific purpose and i can proudly declare it to the world too. I am no more vague about it.
When i posted my blog in 2006/7 with my "Tanpura" looking all divine, it was great, but then, i had no purpose and the lady who asked me this, was right. She asked me the right question, purpose is indeed everything. Without a specific goal in mind, without a destination in sight, without a purpose set to achieve, I lost track of the "WHY" and the WHY is everything. Why am I doing this, why am i venturing out on this new mission, why am i marrying this person (Btw, most important question of your life, the rest of your life, will be decided by the outcome of this one question, believe me). These why's will make your life easier as they will give you constant clarity. This clarity leads to peace and peace leads to better results, which is what most of us look for.
Today, I am looking for an answer as to "Why" I seek out classical music so much and then do not end up doing justice to my hours of learning, searching, commuting to teachers, finding them, paying for my classes. WHY do I, or why did I do all this for so many years? While its useless to search for questions in past I want to know.
One of my first Gurujees, teachers, passed away yesterday. I had no idea how much it could hurt. As I went to see him one last time, I saw him lay there like an angel, taking rest. He looked peaceful and blissful. He was at ease. There was no turmoil on his face. He had 4 daughters whom he had married and seen all his grandchildren. He spent his lifetime worshiping music and in 'Sadhana'. His daughter told me that he was up and about till the last day getting the children ice cream and cakes, I think this is the kind of exit any human may want, without suffering, without the pain of illness etc. I have seen many people go away. But Gurujee looked beautiful in his sleep, like an angel and messenger of music and love.
So, my only message is, ask yourself, WHY! Today, before embarking on my next class, i am seriously going to find the answer to why I want to learn further. Find the why, seek it, it will give you what you are looking for.