My Gift

I hear you!

When are you really happy?? Like realllllllly happy? I mean it? Ask yourself, immensely happy. Ok most will go there, you know where, but thats not what i am talking about. Which brings me to the question, what is happiness? For different people it is different things at different times. Sometimes its a new job, sometimes its a new spouse, a partner, a pet, a new business venture. But again, my question is something deeper, what is that which never changes within you?

Your state of mind? the way you feel?

The way you feel! I am most happy the time when I feel heard. I think listening is the greatest gift one can give another person; that persons nod when you talk; his/her agreement at what you said; or disagreement sometimes, (Shows that they are really listening, btw) the eyes which say, i am here, with you, all this and much more comes through when someone is truly listening. A feeling of satisfaction envelops you when someone is truly listening and paying attention. That is the feeling i am talking about. This feeling of satisfaction can come through any source, any action, through anybody. Sometimes an unknown person whom you met for a second on the metro can make you feel happy, and why? because they heard you.

How can you receive more of this gift of listening? By giving this gift to others first.

1. Truly listen: When you give someone your ear, you develop a lot of senses within yourself, for a moment that person opens up a whole new world for you. You no more are the centre of the universe. You start thinking of ways to help him/her. You develop empathy. You train your mind to 'shut up'. You did someone a good deed, it will ultimately make you happier. Isn't that what we are all looking for. 
2.  Give an earful, receive a heartful: Really listen to every word of what a person just said, how many times has it happened, that you drifted away during a conversation? Always, right? Yes, always, for most of us. If we could see that the people we like the most are those that really give us their ear, how about giving that back to the world? Or that person who hears you the most, today, go and hear him out. Happiness - Guaranteed!
3. It is ok, let nothing shock you: Don't shy away from intimate conversations. If someone is opening up to us, what do we usually do, we shy away. "omg, what is she sharing, i did not want to hear that", is mostly our heads response. Big deal! You are no more six, nothing should shock you. Just listen, without any bias. What is the big deal? Just listen like you were a peice of wood, you just had to listen. A table has to hear us cry, no options. Similarly, become wood, listen and I swear, you will come out enriched and satisfied that someone opened up to you and you could lend a shoulder.
4. Do not judge: Now that you know a little, will you judge the person you are hearing? Mostly yes, But that's the thing, do not judge. There is nothing more hurting than, me talking to someone and finding out that the person has changed her behaviour towards me the next day. Clearly she has judged me. So, thats something you do not need to do. You clear your dirty mind first. 

Lastly by listening you are doing no body a big favor. Infact, they are doing you a favor, by opening up their mind and heart for that moment. So don't act like a star. You just know another story, acknowledge, hold their hand and move on. Somebody enriched you with their experiences. You are not the bigger person here, its the person's faith in humanity, that they shared so openly with you. So relax. Just be happy.

You share, you feel light and loved. You hear someone out, you feel elated and a teeny weeny bit bigger, grow your heart. Be the bigger person, give your ear to someone. Hear people out, if you want to be happy.

The Meyerowitz Stories

A moving tale of a family. Like every family and its dysfunctionality, Meyerowitz is a little high on the dysfunction. With children, and step children and self obsessed parents, the movie reflects a lot of peoples homes. 

Its funny but not funny at all. The movie is extremely real and touches so many chords of so many of us, leading our lives. I saw it on Netflix and totally loved the movie. 

While Danny, Mathew and Jean are the three siblings from different mothers but same father. They are shown bonding really well, especially when senior Meyerowitz, the eccentric self obsessed father played by Dustin Hoffman, falls terribly ill. A tale of aging parents and settled but unsettled children. Its a tale of love and no love, its also a tale of trying to be loved but finding people too caught up in their own lives. 

I for one, loved Danny, Adam Sandlers character, who is a failed musician trying to get the attention he never got from his father in this old age. On the other hand Mathew his successful

son, who runs a financial services firm, resents his father for giving him too much attention and actually not loving him for who he was, but who he thought he should be. Jean on the other hand their plain jane sister, played beautifully, by Elizabeth Marvel, tries to balance out things in her own way. She is quite 'Ok' with anything and everything, and has a quiet disposition which comes across as cool.

Why am i giving such a boring synopsis of the movie. Its a beautiful story of a broken family and an overbearing father, a sculptor who has passed his prime and who has little or no interest in people around him. 

One of the most funniest and interesting scenes in the movie is for me, the scene where, the brothers get to know of an old family friend who abuses their sister Jean and in their own way get back at him. Only thing is the man is 90 years old and has lost most of his memory and needs help to move around. They damage his car and its cute the way they want to avenge what he did to their sister decades ago. Jean on the other hand comes and tells them that this is stupid and that what are they doing, the man has lost his senses and that it wasn't exactly abuse. But Danny says, that she was masturbated on when she was so young by a grown up man, this incident must have traumatized her for life. Its very cute what they do for their sister. 

In reality, what happens when a girl reveals something like this after ages, that "Look, your nephew 'X' did this to me, one day in the balcony on the swing." What do they do, when you tell them, "Look, "Y" did this to me on the pretext of teaching me a two wheeler." What do they do, when you tell them, "Look, 'z', spoke dirty to me and it was verbal abuse. What do your folks do. In my experience and in various homes of friends, i have spoken to - Take a deep sigh, look perplexed, shocked, ashamed, angry and then blurt out - "why didn't you tell us at that time?" err, because i was 8, 10 and then 13. And I didn't know how to tell you guys. Now you know, punch him, slap him, do something. But, responses like - "Hmmmm".. or "Shocked face".. or.. "Long silence" but no action. 

And later, maybe really later, you realize, you don't expect any action, because you want no drama. 

Because, you are done with family drama. And digging up will be no less than any family drama. 

The Meyerowitz are every family in the world, a little functional and a lot dysfuntional or vice versa. No family has it all in place, infact none of us have it all figured out. But should abuse among us be ignored? Today's atmosphere is speaking a lot about abuse within the family. But should it also be blown up and talked about years later in some family function and create discord. Its all so confusing. Like many hindi movies like, 'Highway', 'Monsoon Wedding', spoke about childhood abuse, and then went ahead and showed how the perpetrator was made to be accountable in front of the whole family. There was a whole lot of drama there when the girl in question shouts and laments about her abuser and how he did not stop even though she pleaded that, she was a little child. 

It brings back lot of memories to each woman and these scenes make us think, why were we quiet, what can be done now. I have also gone to the extent of making peace with those incidents and being courteous to the people who did this. Was i naive? Do they deserve my forgiveness, are they even aware of what they did? I am sure in some corner of their conscience they know they did this to me. But I really do not wish to rake it up any longer. I do not wish to avenge anything. Maybe in a way Jean is every girl, every girl is Jean. Jean sees the man who masturbated at her, as an old man who has lost it. Who is no more capable of defending himself. In the same way many of us no more want to fight our perpetrators anymore. There is a Jean in every girl. 

Everything I do!

This cartoon appeared in the New York Times today. 

I found this at such an appropriate time. I was in the midst of thinking about every action i take. It could be the smallest action and I would be sitting on the bed or on my sofa or standing and thinking, 'Why am I doing this.' It could be something as simple as going for a run or a walk, and after all the hours put in suddenly one day, i start asking myself, 'Should I run today or do yoga, or should i sit and sing, should I write, or should I cook something.' With all these options creating a kind of anxiety in me, I would just start browsing my phone, for hours. It was much better than deciding about a life crisis, 'What should I do'. It was much better than that. 

Mindless browsing provided an instant gratification and a much needed distraction from an important question. So, did I go for the run? No, I didn't. Did I sit down to practice music, no I didn't. But I did what millions are doing everywhere in the world. Looking at other people, through something called the social lens. Today people could spend hours just looking at a news feed which gives you all kinds of information, or they could be reading what others are doing and where they are going or planning to go, or whom they are seeing, or pictures of their perfect life. 

Everything I do, I do it for Fb... or Twitter, or Instagram.. As the NewYork Times cartoon so rightly questions, our urge to share and document everything on social media. If I do not document it, did I really do it!

I was wondering about a time when there was literally nothing. Why go very far away, we grew up without social media. Werent we happy. We climbed more trees than todays generation. Wait wait, before I go off into a generation philosophical dialouge, which is certainly not why I am writing this. 

The real question is, are we asking ourselves before doing something, before accepting another invite, before posting another activity of mine of FB, "why am I doing this". Yes i look great sitting on stage, having fun at a party, lighting lamps, climbing a mountain, no denying. But did I want to do all those things at all?!? 
So next time, I am definitely using a trick to decide what i want to do. 

The trick: (Only if you want to wake up!) 

A) Whenever I am in a dilemma about what next, i am going to ask, is this for myself, or is it for a photo op? 

b) My heart knows the answer, if it shouts, photo op, photo op, I drop the plan, and dig deep into what i really want to do. 

c) I actually do what I really want to do, even if it sitting at home and doing nothing, than go somewhere only for a photo op! 

d) Does this make me sound depressed? Who cares! I think I am waking up, and I want others also to wake up and thus i am sharing this as an insight inspired by a cartoon in NEWYORK TIMES. 

Guys, please be like Ayushmann Khurrana of Shubh Mangal Saavdhan and talk about ‘gents problem’! 

Author-malini misra. 

(This article of mine, was published on "Bonobology". A site dedicated to couple relationships. 

Shubh Mangal Saavdhan has brought the issue of Erectile Dysfunction into discussion, but it is still a taboo to actually name it

Image source

Being a man was never more complicated than it is today. One in every 4 men could be affected by this problem, globally. Before turning 40, most men have encountered an issue in the area of sexual health. But how many seek medical help is a different conversation. Over the counter drugs like Viagra and other drugs are also being tried out more than ever before.While Erectile Dysfunction has been around as long as eternity, it’s only in modern times that even movies are discussing it not discreetly but openly, or maybe not that openly. As some of the reviews are noting, Shubh Mangal Saavdhan doesn’t once openly mention the medical name of the condition and keeps addressing the issue as something like, ‘gents problem’.

Here’s the trailer for the movie:

No sex please, we’re Indian

Why am I not surprised? The truth is that, any dysfunction is not supposed to be spelled out in our society. And when it comes to men and their issues, it’s better to avoid the topic totally, or so goes the most common approach.

In reality we all know how our parents broach the subject of sex or sexuality with their children. It’s mostly never done.

It is assumed that one comes auto-tuned from Mother Earth on matters of sexuality.

From parents the practice is passed on to younger couples, who never talk about the subject.

It’s taken for granted that if it’s a man, what he does is look at a woman, get his thing up, and then go for it. And when it’s a woman, she wears low-cut blouses and goes dhak dhak, on seeing her potential swami.

But reality bites. You get married assuming or expecting a few early years of passion at least, and then realise something is off. But what is that something? Mummy never explained to me what to expect, how to do it, and no one ever discussed these matters in friends’ circles. They only boasted about their raunchy triumphs with the new boyfriend who resembled Brad Pitt or Salman Khan.

Read what the experts say about the issue ofpremature ejaculation in men.

No family doctor told us that taking the pill to avoid pregnancy in the initial months is an old thing, now check if you two can do it at all. I still remember the discussions around soon-to-be married cousins. The elder Bhabhis in the house would always be reminding the girl about the pill and then take her through the drill of how to, which days, etc.

Not once did anyone think about what if!

No longer in denial

Ayushmann Khurrana, from being the very virile Punjabi who did the noble deed of sperm donation, to a guy with ED, was quite an amazing choice as an actor. But someone had to say it and here Shubh Mangal said it. But with times evolving, our approach also changed. Today our hero is open about it; he is admitting it before tying the nuptial knot. He is seeking help, he is confessing to his fiancée. This is a huge shift from leading men who were macho or in denial.

The new urban male is someone who deals with his ‘Gents Problems’, rather than shoving it under the carpet and pretending it never happened and all is hunky dory at home. Ask the partner, would be my take on it.

Guys, do not be embarrassed, be the Ayushmann of your life, and seek help now, if you see any signs.

Some things to remember about Erectile Dysfunction:

• • Talk about it to your doctor, close friend, girl friend or wife first.
  • Do not ignore it, brush it under the carpet or tell yourself, “It’s a phase, it will go away on its own.”
  • See a doctor, if you think it’s happening frequently.
  • There could be a serious underlying medical condition like diabetes or heart condition attached to this, but more often it is psychological.
  • Acknowledging there is a problem is the biggest battle won, most men do not admit the issue.
  • Share with your partner, she may be your biggest support.
  • Nobody is judging you; all everyone wants is for you to lead a good life, ultimately.
  • And as for the women, keep it simple, and get him help, and take help if needed, too.

House of Cards - happening in real life too? (I wonder)

Orignally Published on Bonobology.com

http://www.bonobology.com/relationships/open-relationship/1073-claire-and-frank-underwood-and-the-relationship-they-share-in-house-of-cards

One of the most unconventional relationships on screen has become very popular. Are some of us actually living a House of Cards life today? How close is it to real life? Though not ideal, I’ve been told this kind of open arrangement does exist.

The line between good and evil is shrinking. It’s not black or white. How are Frank and Claire different from any couple? And how similar are they?

When Meechum, the president’s bodyguard who goes on to become a secret service agent, at the request of Frank Underwood, joined them for a threesome in bed, I was shocked and confused. Is this real, or is one of them imagining it? But it was indeed real. The interesting thing is, it never happened again on the show, it was only this once. I wondered if it would be awkward for them to meet and work together again, but the bond became stronger and Meechum is loyal, sacrificing his life for the president.

Though we could endlessly debate the president’s sexual preferences and brand them bisexual, how are they as husband and wife, as friends, as enemies, as two people living in a very unusual marriage? While many argue that they aren’t the ideal couple to follow, it still makes us think.

Claire Underwood, who comes across as extremely powerful and strong and someone who clearly knows what she wants, has a human side to her. She is vulnerable and deep down she too desires to be desired. She’s grown numb to her situation in the marriage, which is more a working partnership and less love. How many women actually choose LOVE over a working marriage? Is it common?

Because to go after love takes courage and while Claire doesn’t lack courage, she has too much at stake to give it all up for love.

But there is something fascinating about the two, the way they have shaped their marriage, with clarity in thought and actions. They have no time to cry over lost years of fertility, over fading youth, over people and friends who are not exactly how they seem, over things that don’t agree with their view of life, which is grand and not necessarily everyone’s idea of a marriage.

They are often shown running together, a sign they enjoy each other’s company, and make crucial decisions while running. Two people who will stand by each other, come what may. They know each other like a mother knows her children.

Lovers may come, lovers may go, but Frank and Claire will always be there for each other, even if it’s murder for benefits.

In one weak moment, Frank is shown on his workout bike and the next moment on the floor crying. It’s at such moments that a woman’s power shows. Claire picks up the crying man and undresses him and has powerful sex with him, the aftermath of which is a powerful looking Frank in his office all set to conquer the world. Good sex can do that to people, especially men, who equate a lot of things with performance in bed.

Complete transparency, which the two share, is another fascinating aspect. The First Lady’s affairs are OK with her husband. There is an almost irritating level of comfort towards the lover in later episodes; one wonders if they have any emotion at all. Being totally OK with the other’s lover and still being secure is not something that many people achieve. Be it the celebrity photographer or the more humble but deep, writer, Claire’s lovers have always been totally in love with her. It is unclear if Claire loves them or just uses them to satisfy a need.

Modern India also claims that open relationships are a done thing in many homes these days. I have my own doubts. Has one section of society evolved much more than the others?

But this relationship is not for everybody. In his own words, Frank cannot give the First Lady what she wants, and she has a big heart for more than just Frank. Their mutual acceptance of each other is sometimes admirable and sometimes pure evil. They could kill and not tell, they could talk without talking, they are each other’s biggest supporters, yet there is some resentment in Claire’s approach towards Frank. This is more like an ordinary wife, where she is devoted but resents him too.

So what’s the takeaway?

-   Undying support for each other’s dreams and aspirations

-   Look after your ambitions, and those of your partner too.

-   Stand for each other come what may

-   Be best friends at any cost

-   Be all right with any shortcomings the relationship may have.

-   Be attached and detached at the same time.

Whether you learn or not from them, just don’t kill anyone.

I do not adhere to a time table, nor should you!

Published originally on -
http://www.womensweb.in/2017/05/new-tanishq-ad-timetable-of-a-womans-life-offensive/

Is there a timetable of a woman’s life that we need to keep up with? No. That makes this ad by Tanishq irrelevant and offensive.

I will be 40 in a few months, and sorry to break the perfect bubble, but I don’t have most of the things that the new ad from Tanishq introducing its new colourful collection, speaks of.

Picture the scene. A birthday party for the 40-year-old lady in a perfect pink setting. The friends singing, evident things pointing out her age and remembering her perfect young waist size, and her then boyfriend and now husband, as in when they first met. Song goes on to list her age-appropriate achievements, her perfect kids, her perfect job and her perfectly rose painted cheeks go even more pink as her friends gift her a perfect colourful diamond set.

And everyone smiles including the husband who has just been called a well-trained husband. The ad ends up making you slightly irritated if not smiling or grinning, because guess what life is not a bed of roses.

Like any kid from the 90’s I grew up on a good dose of advertisements, which had perfect cozy homes, set in yellow light with white paint. Those picket-fenced lawns had a beautiful golden retriever and a lovely baby running after it. Sometimes it had hot jalebis, Rasna and Fanta’s or Pepsi or Maggie or Colgate as the background for these stories. Every set up was perfect; people were doing things assigned to their age. A young mother, a slightly white haired elegant grandmother, a beautiful kid who hugs and kisses his mother when he comes back from school or a husband with a handbag who has had a rough day at work, and needs a freshly brewed coffee, given by a young smiling chick, probably his wife.

And here we are 20 years later, still speaking of people and especially women who have to have certain things by a certain age.

Does it apply to all women? No!

I don’t have most of those things this new ad sings of.

It sings of a perfect friend circle – nope.

It sings of kids grown up, gone, and settled too. Relax but mine aren’t yet born.

It sings of a career where the lady is the boss and calls the shots. Well! Not either, cause, I freelanced and learnt music and yoga for most of my years when I was not in a job. So that means I couldn’t be making a steady successful career like the lady in the ad.

Her friends call her husband as well trained, now whatever that means, don’t even get me started on that.

The ad is extremely offensive in so many ways. And it shouldn’t be only me, it’s those many women I know who still have their song within, who have their unborn children in their womb for reasons they know best. Who don’t believe in training their spouses so that they can be of convenience to them?

Each time this ad comes on TV, it makes me squirm and cringe in my seat, and ask why God why, one more time. Why didn’t my life go according to the timetable? Finally one day, God answered, “Because I did not make this timetable, you guys did”.

To that, I would say, ‘fair enough’ and move on.

Life doesn’t always go according to plan!

On a more serious note, life doesn’t have to go according to a plan, or does it? If it does, great, but when it doesn’t such ads make you feel like the smallest person on earth.

Since when did our modern, empowered woman have to fit some ideal image of a success. If she is not working, she is not producing babies, if she is not doing the drill, what the hell is she doing? No birthday candles for her, no exclusive clothes designed for her, no designer handbags made for her grocery shopping sprees. No jewelry designed to celebrate her beauty in the ordinary life she leads. There is absolutely no product for the forgotten woman, who is not part of the main stream; who is not adding anyway to the economy. For God sake, she is not even buying nappies. Common, who doesn’t even do this much!

This woman, who has dreams bottled up inside her, who struggles to make it through one more day without seeing another ad trying to rub it in to her, that hey, “You didn’t make it!”

Not even friends and cousins think she deserves a return gift, at their kid’s birthday party. For all you know, this woman, spent more than half a day selecting the perfect gift for the child.

The reality of it is, many of us do feel left out in this race. Such in your face advertisements are a slap on the face of those many women. And it is indeed sending out a very regressive thought process of sticking to the “timetable”.

Women need to work and every woman-Period!

http://www.womensweb.in/2014/05/why-every-woman-needs-work/

Published on womens web a woman based portal. 

Why work is so important to a woman’s life and why every woman must try it to keep the smile on her face.

You are a total home-bird said my colleague in those days, during the very beginning of my career. Though I disagreed completely, I might have believed her down the lane.

Years later, after short stints of jobs and no steady career, I decided, maybe she was right. I loved my home. I loved my time alone, and I really loved my house neat and tidy. But though home was what I had settled for, I had this constant urge to express myself, to contribute, to make a difference in this world.

I know it sounds far-fetched and too philosophical, but I don’t think I should have bought into what my friend suggested. I clearly believed her judgment about me and accepted  myself as someone ‘homely’, but in a disempowering way.

Don’t we all do this? When we are too lazy to decide on what we want, we settle, for somebody else’s judgment of ourselves. I urge all women out there not to buy into an idea again. I want everyone to have their own ideas, besides what others have to say about them.

So when I was labeled homely, what did the world mean? Did it mean I was being bracketed as a cooking – baking machine type or as out-going, or as the go-getter? How many names? How many labels? There is no stopping. Open any weekly matrimonial ad supplement and all you find is people looking for labels. Homely v/s the career oriented, salaried or non-working, but why can’t I be both? I could be homely and have the passion to make a difference in the world, a drive to contribute my bit.

It was never necessary to conform, it was never a rule to follow any rules. You could be this and that, you could be everything you dreamt of. I am homely – it means I have good taste which reflects in the way I have done up my home. It certainly doesn’t mean I lack ambition or passion to do things outside of my home. That is why it is important that every woman has an occupation. Am I suggesting that everyone has a job?

What work does for a woman

I say No, a job is not a necessity, but work is, and here is why:

• You feel productive, you feel useful, it feels like you matter. You could be knitting for your pregnant friends and who knows, tomorrow you could have your own knitting unit. But don’t do it for that – do it for the love of knitting.

• To express yourself in this world is one of the best feelings you could ever have. You could be at any stage of life, you are a mother of two or three, or even four, but doing something that expresses the best in you will keep you in a good mood for a long time.

• Doing something that you love, gives you a high. It promotes happy feelings and a new zest for life. Sure you are doing a great job with your home, but it is time to express that sheer genius beyond the four walls.

• Because there is no perfect moment (after I am well-settled, after my children graduate, after I make my perfect house, after the world becomes nothing but a green alley). If you keep waiting for the perfect moment to express yourself, it will never come.

• If you always wanted to start sharing your knowledge in dhokla-making, do it now. Because as you are thinking about it, someone is taking action, already. Yes, and that is how fast ideas come and go. Express yourself now.

• Creativity bottled up, is energy blocked, which leads to frustration in every area of your life. So if you want to start putting your CA degree to use, start by managing some accounts for friends – most will be glad you took over.

• I know you hear this everywhere, but work is indeed empowering for a woman. Don’t be scared of people who will tell you to take a back seat, and enjoy life, enjoy being around your children, enjoy being at home, enjoy peeling peas out of the pod. Of course you enjoy all that, but make sure to do some work for yourself, so that you don’t completely loose touch.

• To top it all, to earn some moolah, is a great feeling; there’s no better high than to get paid for doing your best. People are waiting for you to take charge, they are waiting for you to do something incredible or equally mundane and also pay you for that.

•  You feel useful. All of a sudden your life starts to matter to many people around. After a long time. Yes, it’s for that feeling too that you should work.

• Last but not the least, do it for the love of it. Work is very fulfilling, and when we are content, we are happy, it’s easier to get through the days with a smile.

While we all could have our own lists on why we should totally work and rock, I would say, make your own list and put it up your favorite wall at home.

It can happen to anyone, have you got your Mammogram done yet?

(This was published in Womens Web. It is a woman based portal addressing what women like you and me would want to talk about) 

http://www.womensweb.in/2014/10/what-you-should-know-about-mammograms/

When mammograms are an effective way to detect breast cancer at an early stage, why do we avoid them? Learn why you should get yourself checked regularly.

When it comes to breasts, for most of the time, our thoughts don’t seem to go beyond a fancy under-wired lace bra, or which celebrity was seen flaunting hers recently! Yet, breasts are not decorative, and breast cancer is not uncommon at all. Breast health is as important as the health of any other part of your body.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. In an effort to raise awareness about breast cancer, and clarify the many doubts and misconceptions all of us have, Women’s Web presents a series of interviews with medical professionals all through October.

The first interview of this series focused on the basics of identifying the symptoms of and getting tested for breast cancer. You can also find our subsequent interviews on:

• What you should know about breast cancer treatment and
• How you can help a loved one with breast cancer

In the second interview of this series, we meet Dr. Kumar Deep Dutta, MBBS, M.D, a Delhi based Oncologist. Dr. Dutta underwent training in Medical Oncology from Tata Memorial Hospital, Mumbai and subsequently completed his DNB in Medical Oncology. He is a member of numerous scientific societies including the American Society of Clinical Oncology and European Society For Medical Oncology, and has authored several publications in peer-reviewed journals, as well as numerous abstracts.

In this discussion, he talks about mammograms, how they can help in early detection – and most importantly, why we should not fear them.

Are mammograms the most accurate way to detect breast cancer?  Also, are they the only way to detect? Please let us know if there are any alternatives.

Dr. Kumar Deep Dutta: No, mammograms are not the only way to detect breast cancer. Self-examination and clinical breast examination are very important tools – one is in early detection, and the other in between two mammograms.

We actually recommend MRIs also in younger patients, as the fatty tissues are more, making the breasts dense. In such cases an MRI is preferred. Out of every 1000 women scanned for breast cancer, there is a chance that 5.7 % to 8.8 % will be detected with some malignant tissue.

What is the ideal age for the first Mammogram?

Dr. Kumar Deep Dutta: There is no formal recommendation here in India, thus we follow the American Medical Association’s guidelines, which recommends 40 as the benchmark age. 40 as the age of starting mammography is also recommended by the American College of Radiology and the American Cancer Society. From the age of 40 onwards, a woman definitely needs to undergo an annual Mammogram.

Women who have a family History of breast cancer must take the test irrespective of their age. They could be as young as 28, but if there is a history of BRACA 1 or BRACA 2 in the family then it calls for a check up to begin with. Women with a family history of cancer should not wait for any external signs to go for a mammogram.

Women who have never borne children also come under a substantial risk and should not delay Mammograms.

As a doctor, what are the various barriers you have seen in people taking this particular test?

Dr. Kumar Deep Dutta: Mammograms are slightly painful; but the pain is worth taking. One barrier I feel, is fear of pain, and the fear of being diagnosed. Also, there are communication barriers, as in whom to talk to, what to ask, lack of knowledge and right guidance.

Most importantly, as a nation we are negligent towards our health. Often we are ignorant and don’t even bother to educate ourselves. Monetarily speaking, health insurance is availed by a very small percentage of people in our country and when such serious diseases occur, people are drained financially and emotionally too.

What would you say to women who are hesitant to go for the test? How can we encourage them to get tested?

Dr. Kumar Deep Dutta: All doctors vouch for early detection of cancer and a timely Mammogram or MRI can go a long way in saving lives. Also, I would reassure women, and tell them to please note – cancer does not mean a death sentence in today’s times.

I would say that go for annual mammograms to take health in your hands. Timely Mammography can reduce mortality (death) by 28- 45%. Also, it is important to know that not every lump found in a mammogram is necessarily malignant.

From our side, as a hospital we are increasingly conducting health awareness camps, in corporate campuses, apartment complexes, and villages too. There is every effort to educate the general population about the necessity of mammograms.

In your experience, have you seen an increase in breast checkups in women over time?

Dr. Kumar Deep Dutta: Yes, there is more awareness due to education, media exposure and celebrity news about recoveries. But I would like to add that close to a decade back, cardiac arrests were the most prevalent cause of mortality and today it is Cancer, among which breast cancer is on the rise.

There is nothing like early detection of cancer cells in which case, a small surgery could be enough. So please do not fear Mammograms or MRIs.

Doing the mammogram test or any other test doesn’t mean you will have to live with the Cancer if detected. With our advanced treatments, small surgeries could be more than sufficient. People are also scared of chemotherapy and radiation, which is why if detected early with a Mammogram, such serious medications can be avoided.

Women also feel that if they take a mammogram once and it is clear, they are safe. What is your advice in this regard? What are the follow-ups to be considered after a clear mammogram?

Dr. Kumar Deep Dutta: A mammogram is not a one-time affair. To study new developments in our body we must take these important tests regularly. Your first mammogram being clear doesn’t ensure a lifetime guarantee. The body changes and develops everyday.

When a woman gets a mammogram and the results show a likelihood of breast cancer, what can medical professionals do to help her deal with the news? Also, what would you suggest to family members at this stage? How can they help?

Dr. Kumar Deep Dutta: Women can be assured that not every suspected lump is a confirmed case of Cancer. It could be benign tissue, which is harmless and removable. But if biopsy confirms malignant growth then the case must go to a trained, experienced breast cancer specialist. Trained Specialists know how to handle sensitive diseases like breast cancer.

A positive and sensitive attitude in the family and doctor will help a lot.

Is a mammogram test meant for men too? What is the incidence of men with breast cancer, and what do they need to be aware of?

Dr. Kumar Deep Dutta: Yes, for every 100 cases of female breast cancer incidence there is one male case of breast cancer too. Male breast cancer constitutes 1.1% of total breast cancer cases

They need to be aware of the family history of cancer and report any abnormalities or changes in the chest area too. However, for males, mammography is not done as a routine.

As Dr. Kumar Deep Dutta highlights, fear of what a mammogram or other testing will reveal should not keep us from getting one done – after all, the chances are high that we can ensure our safety in this manner. Even if we do receive some unpleasant news, would we not rather have a smaller intervention at an early stage than a major one at a later stage? Think about it! Dr. Kumar Deep can be contacted at kumardeep.d@gmail.com

Puff!

I was sitting at Isha Yoga Centre in Coimbatore and the Guru appeared on a screen in one of the many Sadhana halls in the campus. The connect was instant and I was all ears. What he said for the next 45 minutes kind of stayed with me for the whole day and is still in my mind, processing itself and getting ready to internalize hopefully.

"You breathe in and you breathe out. One day, you breathe out and you don't breathe in, and you go "Puff". You are out. Its over, finished."
He went on to speak about how much we take our breath for granted, and that we infact mis use it, in a way that we don't use it at all. This was a powerful thought, I had heard about 20 years back at the art of living courses, but once again, another great saint was re inforcing it and was ready to take it all in, once again.

Never ever take anything for granted is what my heart told me, after some time. Yes we do take our breath for granted and do not spend even a second of our time thinking or staying with it, unless you are into serious pranayam and yoga practises. Even then, many forget about the breath and go forcing their body into impossibleness. Sadhguru reminded us that the day you don't breath in is the last day for you, so why the neglect.

This was one of the most profound learning for me at the centre apart from the many experiences I had. I will write about them in my future blogs. For now keep breathing and never take anything for granted. It may vanish in seconds.

Mera Jahan: Origin

Mera Jahan: Origin

Origin

Origin

What can I write, that hasn't already been written about,
what can I possibly think that hasn't been thought about.
The origin of thought,
the beauty of creativity,
the moment I think of a new thought, a new idea, the rush,

But, what can I write, that hasn't already been written about,
what can I possibly think that hasn't been thought about.

I pride myself, oh here is an idea!
I shout, oh, eureka,
I run for a notepad, I make notes on the sand even,
I scribble in the wall if i don't find any,

But, what can I write, that hasn't already been written about,
what can I possibly think that hasn't been thought about.

I sit down to pour my thoughts,

I visualize how my words would look when i write them down,

somewhere I cry over the possibility of the lost beauty once its out,

my mind is racing, my mouth is salivating with newer thoughts,

with a happy face and hungry hands I start typing,

But, what can I write, that hasn't already been written about,

what can I possibly think that hasn't been thought about.

A glow in my thought,
a fantasy about appreciation,
a pat on back from the seventh grade English teacher,
a slap from the Math one,
Oh i saw it all, in a second and just like that, I travelled back to now

I sit with trembling hands, eager to pour out the next word,
but before it is out, there is another thought
no wonder I thought they say,
write and feel time

But, o what can I write, that hasn't already been written about,
what can I possibly think that hasn't been thought about.