I hear you!
When are you really happy?? Like realllllllly happy? I mean it? Ask yourself, immensely happy. Ok most will go there, you know where, but thats not what i am talking about. Which brings me to the question, what is happiness? For different people it is different things at different times. Sometimes its a new job, sometimes its a new spouse, a partner, a pet, a new business venture. But again, my question is something deeper, what is that which never changes within you?
Your state of mind? the way you feel?
The way you feel! I am most happy the time when I feel heard. I think listening is the greatest gift one can give another person; that persons nod when you talk; his/her agreement at what you said; or disagreement sometimes, (Shows that they are really listening, btw) the eyes which say, i am here, with you, all this and much more comes through when someone is truly listening. A feeling of satisfaction envelops you when someone is truly listening and paying attention. That is the feeling i am talking about. This feeling of satisfaction can come through any source, any action, through anybody. Sometimes an unknown person whom you met for a second on the metro can make you feel happy, and why? because they heard you.
How can you receive more of this gift of listening? By giving this gift to others first.
- Truly listen: When you give someone your ear, you develop a lot of senses within yourself, for a moment that person opens up a whole new world for you. You no more are the centre of the universe. You start thinking of ways to help him/her. You develop empathy. You train your mind to 'shut up'. You did someone a good deed, it will ultimately make you happier. Isn't that what we are all looking for.
- Give an earful, receive a heartful: Really listen to every word of what a person just said, how many times has it happened, that you drifted away during a conversation? Always, right? Yes, always, for most of us. If we could see that the people we like the most are those that really give us their ear, how about giving that back to the world? Or that person who hears you the most, today, go and hear him out. Happiness - Guaranteed!
- It is ok, let nothing shock you: Don't shy away from intimate conversations. If someone is opening up to us, what do we usually do, we shy away. "omg, what is she sharing, i did not want to hear that", is mostly our heads response. Big deal! You are no more six, nothing should shock you. Just listen, without any bias. What is the big deal? Just listen like you were a peice of wood, you just had to listen. A table has to hear us cry, no options. Similarly, become wood, listen and I swear, you will come out enriched and satisfied that someone opened up to you and you could lend a shoulder.
- Do not judge: Now that you know a little, will you judge the person you are hearing? Mostly yes, But that's the thing, do not judge. There is nothing more hurting than, me talking to someone and finding out that the person has changed her behaviour towards me the next day. Clearly she has judged me. So, thats something you do not need to do. You clear your dirty mind first.
You share, you feel light and loved. You hear someone out, you feel elated and a teeny weeny bit bigger, grow your heart. Be the bigger person, give your ear to someone. Hear people out, if you want to be happy.