Finding me

I have forgotten what it is to be me,
I no longer recognize my voice
don't know if it's me or someone's advice
scared to see the truth,
scared to acknowledge my deeper side
the one that wants
one that desires
I no longer know if i love, or i like
I dont know if i must go this way or that,
I connect soon and disconnect faster
holding on to people who have moved away
was never my idea
but life looks scary like a bungee jump
when I let go
they say, act, take action, it's time
but my heart asks for more time
my head goes back and forth all the time
memories, present moment or somewhere far away,
have I gone crazy
why the hallucinations that one day..
I have forgotten myself
my innermost self, my breath
who am I,
to myself,
The confusion?
the chaos?
 the little moments of clarity?
the seeds of this state were put long back
when a little girl,
I long to go back
to be one with the little girl and tell her
be more accepting,
be more adventurous
be your unapologetic self
be bold, brave, embracing life,
forget the scars, it's ok,
hug them, and let them go,
But I end up in self-pity each time, instead,
It's time,
Let go
Free fall..
©malinimisra