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Agreements we enter

'Gosh, i am so nervous, you know i have never had such a huge audience'. wow.. here you go..bang.. you just entered an agreement, that too an unknown one.
'Gee, i am not that great a cook ok, i am also slow at it and i am not regular with cooking too, i am a bit lazy when it comes to all this' here you go, another one.
'How are you so organised? i always wondered how you plan your day so well, i suck at it'.
I will not stop here, i will go on to ruin some more of myself.

The other day, i bumped into an old friend whom i invited for lunch and she actually asked me, 'So tell me you have a cook, cause i want to live some more'. Yeah, i know, dont get so senti, it was just a joke, ya ya i know.. i myself said all this, i myself enlightened people about how i dont cook that well, when i actually do, i myself said i am not regular with cooking, when i definitely have at least two dishes for each meal.
How about this, i am with old friends from school and i suddenly burst out saying, yeah i was forgetful from beginning, that kind of hasn't changed.. duh, who remembers how i was in school but hey, I just reminded them. And actually re affirmed it, even if i am kind of ok with remembering things offlate.

By now you must be thinking, ok, whats the point. The point is that we make agreements about ourselves all the time, and some of us make positive ones and some of just have foot in the mouth situations and ruin it for ourselves. So the next time you are in conversation with someone, keep in mind that you are creating yourself, the other person doesnt know, doesnt care, doesnt want to know what you are all about, but what he gets is, what you say about yourself.
So if you are saying, that your nervous about singing in front of people, it gets registered, you are always going to be someone who is fearfull, who is not so confident and a timid rat. So even if one day you are over it and think you are this confident person, people always relate to you as what you have said. Remember, we create ourselves, we actually tell people what we are and what we arent, otherwise no one is out there evaluating you all the time. Its us, we are all the time creating agreements about ourselves.

So if the agreement about you is that you are timid, look back, watch your own words, when did you yourself talk yourself into this agreement. when did you start telling people irrelevant stories about how scared you are when you talk to seniors, how scared you are when you talk to elder people, or how scared you are of aggressive women. When, just when have you been talking or yapping away without thinking about the agreement, the creation.

Next time someone assumes you will bungle up the song on stage, you will take forever to make dinner, you will not be able to do the project on time, that you suck at remembering things, just look back, dont judge them wrong, or assume that people get me wrong all the time.. Maybe, just maybe, in the past or sometime recent, you were yapping away your sad story about being this bad singer, being this timid performer, being this sucker cook, being terrible at memory, its all you, its all in our word.

Gosh, i talk a lot.. Hey did i just enter another agreement, the next time you meet me, dont taunt me on that. Now i make a new agreement about myself, did you know i am not nervous while writing this blog, did you know i dont get nervous while singing with instruments, yes thats exactly my point.

Unless you dont create yourself in your language, dont speak good about yourselves, no one will know, all they will know is you are not good at this and you are not good at that.. they will never know the other stuff, the good stuff, the real stuff, the real YOU. So, go on and create yourselves..

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What can I write, that hasn't already been written about,
what can I possibly think that hasn't been thought about.
The origin of thought,
the beauty of creativity,
the moment I think of a new thought, a new idea, the rush,

But, what can I write, that hasn't already been written about,
what can I possibly think that hasn't been thought about.

I pride myself, oh here is an idea!
I shout, oh, eureka,
I run for a notepad, I make notes on the sand even,
I scribble in the wall if i don't find any,

But, what can I write, that hasn't already been written about,
what can I possibly think that hasn't been thought about.

I sit down to pour my thoughts, I visualize how my words would look when i write them down, somewhere I cry over the possibility of the lost beauty once its out, my mind is racing, my mouth is salivating with newer thoughts, with a happy face and hungry hands I start typing, But, what can I write, that hasn't already been written about…