Kid's dilemma or more so a parents dilemma

What is the fuss about

The fuss todays young parents create about their little ones in amazing to watch. I understand that we as adults must give a choice to our children and all that new age  mumbo jumbo.. but i was just wondering otherwise. Its a simple thing, if we dont give our kid the exposure it needs at a young age, if we start helping them form judgements and opinions in a young age as young as THREE.. god knows how judgmental and closed this person is going to grow up and be. And dont mind me saying this, our society doesnt have any dearth of opinionated and judgmental people that we want another generation to grow up like that.

Why it should bother us:
 Certainly there are going to be lot of arguements on this, and one i did have myself with a friend. This friend belives that a child should not be forced about things like, attending a concert/ weather or not it wants to be a part of a particular party/ weather or not he wants to go to somebodies house or not. Its a three year old child, let him/her expereince things, dont give in to everything every tantrum of his.

Wat am i saying: arent we restricting him from having a wholesome experience of life.. he likes it or not comes at a latter stage.
I am not one for imposing things on anybody, but all i am saying is give him the exposure, so that he is not too quick in making judgements about situations and events.

Remebering how we grew up:
I remember having attended lot of functions, lot of getogethers, family, friends, movies, playing with other kids, being tagged along for surfing expeditions of elder cousins while the kids played in shallow with woofy(pet), we saw it all.. we were every where, doing lot of things, ofcourse we didnt decide weather we liked a place or not, but we just went with the flow.
With the ourburst of new parenting rules and this whole theories of choice and let them be, let them do what they like, i wont force him, is fine,, but somewhere i think it is robing children of that innocence. By not taking him to a concert because he got bored in a previous one is like saying, i wont sing again, because i lost in that particular music concert.

Giving them a choice but with the right exposure:

I believe that children need to experience a lot, our over protecting them and fussing over them only makes them even fussier individuals. Take them along with you, let them enjoy, not like it once/ twice.. explain to them, that give it a shot, see if you like it, dont make your child a restless human, who cant sit in one place for even a minute.

Let him be a wholesome individual who has seen the world and then makes his own choices about what he likes and what he doesnt. As far as adult hood is concerened there is a lot of time for opinions and judgements, let him see, experience, dont force but dont make him a fuss too.. If you can get him along to a friends house even when he doesnt like it that much then i am sure you are keeping him away from concerts other places only because its convenient to you.

Lastly, i do beleive in freedom of choice, and i am  no dictator, but i also firmly think that as a child you ought to experience so much and be a whole rounded personality who is game for everything in life and such kids certainly do grow up to be enthusiastic about life. Others who are left to choice, i feel are big fusses in life.

So take your child out, enjoy with him/her, show them your world, make them a part of your life too, maybe when they grow up they will be more accepting and enthusiastic and not judge situations or people.

ITS NOT THAT BAD..

IT REALLY AINT THAT BAD

Why do women try to become thin after all, why arent we ever happy with the way we look, why do we have to look so good all the time, what is with us and the weighty issue. I would like to ponder over all this today..

Now why do i say, that its not that bad is because any situation in our lives, cannot be that bad after all. Really, you realize this only after a  lot of thinking, a lot of experience and pondering over your own experiences. Today i am going to write about the age old problem of weight loss. Really what is with women and weight, i never got to understand this, but as they say you are either slim and fit or you are not. If you are, then either you have a thin gene or you excersice regularly, if you don't then maybe, you haven't taken care of that body or your gene is just a fat one. Without getting too philosophical about the fat problem i am going to impart very simple and easy pointer which can be followed to beneficial results.

1) Sorry to break the bad news- Some people have the tendency to put on weight and you will put on weight even if you believe that you are starving youself.

2) No amount of starving will make you thin.

3) TO loose those pounds, EAT!

4) Start by simply getting active around the house, cut the maid some slack and move your butt to do mundane things like, giving the plate you eat in a wash, run down the stairs to keep the trash, and climb back too, do the dusting yourself, make your own bed every day, (its quite tiring to pin up all the four sides), cook- it takes lot of energy to cook, the cutting/chopping/bending for vessels/ the whole routine can be surprisingly fulfilling and help you burn important calories.

5) Take up gardening, do it yourself.

6) Infact, DIY in all situations and see the results.

7) Fill your kitchen and fridge with - Fruits, Nuts, greens, vegetables and whenever you are hungry, try to eat a fruit salad or just munch on the apple,, instead of lays and aliva and all the junk you get today.

8) Try lemon shots after lunch and dinner, cuts the carb and removes toxins from the body.

9) Eat dinner before 8 pm, that will give you some time to digest the food and also have a fruit 2 hrs after the meal if you want.

10) Raise early, go for a walk, start with stretching and some yoga. Do what makes you happy. If it is dance, then take up that dance class you have ben thinking of all your life. Just shake up, and wake up.

11) You have to have atleast one activity in a day, yoga, walking, swimming, aerobics, pilates, whatever works for you. Belive me, you are never too busyfor you health.

12) Lastly, each persons system is different, your body works differently, just accept it. Be consistent in whatever exercise routine you have.

13, Lastly lastly, you just have to, have to put in effort, no miracles will happen, you are the miracle to make it happen. So, just go for it.

(Early risers are a little ahead of people who sleep till late, its simple, they get up early and get to plan their day, its tough, but its not impossible. Push yourself and tell your body, once you have seen the benefits of waking up early belive a me, you wont love your bed as much as you do now)

Bai bye bye- will we ever say this?

Why is an Indian household incomplete without a bai? many of us have pondered over this thought and still hired one. Let me explain the concept of the bai to people who may not know her too well. A bai is a house maid, she is a helping hand in the never ending house chores in Indian homes.

She will do as much as you pay her, they come in all kinds, they are part time ones, then you have the full time ones, there are the in house maids too. But they all have their own conditions and no two 'bai's have the same process of work.

In our diverse land you will find that almost everyone who can afford has to have a Bai. Be it towns or cities, villages or taluks, the rich and the famous and the not so rich and the famous, every body needs her. In some HIndi movies the eternal Ramu kaka tried to replace the Shanta bai, but alas, kaka had to give up to make room for the fairer sex.

Now, the more you pay her the more comfort she gives you. NRI's miss this comfort and so hire one and also pay for her ticket when they take her abroad. SInce Indians are not the best at DYI situations, they think it is really best to take one from here to give the memsahib some relief from the house work.

I always thought that we  have one simply because we can afford her and because mummy cant do everything on her own and i didnt want to do the work either. Only after all these years of home makergiri have i really understood why maids are so important.

Its all because the Of the MEN! yes its them, now dont get me wrong, its not some men like Shiney Ahuja i am talking about who need bai's for other reasons, i am talking about men in general, like my husband, ur husband, her brother, her father.. MEN as a race..

They dont want to help around the home at all. its like i get the bread, so you do everything, even if the woman does get the share of the bread, still she is expected to balance things and strike a balance between work and homework. A man doesnt want to get up from his sofa and even arrange the dinner table, nor does he think drying the clothes for a change would be quite a help to the poor wife, or take the kids out for a change, or for that matter, give the dhobi clothes for ironing, damn they dont even know, where the clothes are.

And all this, thanks to mommys.. Mommys are always pampering the sons which makes them the king who shouldnt do anything at home. He is ghar ka beta, or man of the house, and he shouldnt be asked to clean even his stinking bathroom and toilet. Gosh, can you beat that, men in our country and maybe others too, i havent seen much families outside.. generally, men are lords..

and so, alaas, the BAI rules.

The bai gives us trouble, takes huge amounts as salary and doesnt show up just when the 'bartan' have over flowed  from the sink. Just when you are going to have 10 people for lunch, just when you had that very important class to attend.. In short we are at the mercy of this all doer woman, who is so capable in what she does tat she can finish the entire household work in an hours time and you thought it would take the entire day.

That is why we pay them so much. That is the reason, Indian Bai is indispensible..

The Dependent Independeant!

Can we ever be truely on our own? Can the Indian independent working woman too be bracketed in this bracket of Independence?!?
As i watch Erin Brockovich maybe the 100th time, i suddenly stop to think, can a working woman in India really be like this one. Can she be on her toes with 3 kids to raise on her own. I mean, i am not challenging the modern working class of Indian women, but what i am talking about is our set up, our social set up.


The movie shows Erin dropping off and picking up kids from the neighbours, an informal nanny and people around who support her in raising her kids. Can a single mother in our social set up do all this, if some of you do, then pardon my exposure cause i havent come across such a neighbourhood and such gutsy women. Again, i know women in our country are juggling home, pregnancy, babies, inlaws, marriage and to add it all the MAIDS.


Maids have become the backbone of every household these days, our dependence on them is raised to the extent of we cant think of a home without that luxury in mind. I have heard of people these days paying insane amounts to nannys and maids. Some stay the whole day, some work partime and some are inhouse maids. Come what may, she is given the first preference in any household.
Mrs X : 'There is a Puja in my house in the morning, please come'.
Mrs Y : 'Oh, is it? But my maid comes only in the morning, so i will come only after she leaves, shall i come by lunch?
Mrs x: But the Puja is in the morning.
Mrs y : No problem, I ll send my maid to collect the prasadam by afternoon.


She is the One..


Erin doesnt have a maid or an official nanny she can pay to look after her three angels. She just has a neighbour, who will look out on them when she is away at the law firm or working elsewhere, then she has a boyfriend who stays at home. We cant have neighbours looking after our kids when they themselves have nannys and ayas to do their job. SO its more like we are on our own, we dont have an interdependable system or the system of 'one for all, all for one'.


Now you are wondering what is "ONE FOR ALL, ALL FOR ONE". Its called unity. Unity brings in workability. I shouldn't have to give up my job if i want to work only to look after the children, thats another thing if you really want to be around to be there for them 24/7. But it should be a choice, if someone cant afford a nanny, cant we be united and say, i ll look after them for 4 hours, or we can be a helping hand sometimes. But our society has become devoid of this mutual understanding. Here independence also means that i wouldnt have to take the help of my neighbour, that i would never have to ask for anything from anyone around.


If Erin didn't have the dull neighbor who would watch her three angels or the hippie like boyfriend who would care for the kids when she was away, could she have afforded a nanny, when she didn't have enough to eat or even feed the family 3 square meals?


So people, can we all become a more united lot out here, and say that we will try to follow a, 'one for all and all for one,' approach from now?
But also be wise and check the neighbors credentials before you drop off those precious lil ones, before you go to work, or on a special date, or for your yoga class. Because i really think that motherhood should not be a hindrance or one should not treat motherhood as a hindrance to her normal activities in life.


Have we become fond of isolation? Have we become less welcoming and more to our own? Will our kids have to be taught to say even a 'Hello' to guests? (because they are so use to no one coming home) Will we have to find places to visit like malls and theaters? Wont we ever ever again, just barge into a friends or relatives house unannounced? Will we always fear that our neighbor might be a child abuser? will we never ever have the luxury of interdependence?


WIll we never realise that indeed, ALL FOR ONE, ONE FOR ALL' still works. Unity is still the greatest asset in the world.

Create your own ME time, Sex and the City style..

Cirlce of trust-create one of your own:

Carrie Bradshaw and her three best friends, Miranda Hobbs, Charlotte York and Samantha Jones in the famous citcom, Sex and the City may send us all girls really envious and sigh, i wish i had such friends, i wish i had the thing that these girls share. This is certainly for people who watch one of these citcomes like Friends and Sex and the City and the likes. These serials are based on friendships, relationships, social problems, sex, taboos, myths jargans and many other things. What it also focusses a lot on is relationships, actually the centric point about them is the kind of relationship that friends share.

Unlike, our serials which are very much about the relationships more closer to home, they focus on an individuals level, like her career, her friends, her relationships with maybe bosses, lovers, neighbours etc.

I personally would love to have a caring Carrie, a daring and adventurous Samantha or the sensitive Charlotte or the cool Miranda in my life and i think many women of our generation think so too and agree with me. Me and my dear friend often sigh about not having a circle of trust like these girls have. But again, i go back to thinking, is it that we really dont have such people around us or are we always looking for something apart from what we have. Its like this, I have x but I want y.
Why is it that we are always looking for something, and we cant see the people we already have in our lives. Sure our hearts and minds will start comparing with the tele charachters and want people in life to behave and act like those charachters in the reel, but thats not possible, hello, because we are real people and not perfect.

Perfection doesnt exist in those charachters too in the serials, they have their own shortcomings too. But i have seen this too many times in life, infact i myself am guilty of shunning some people from my life, just cause they dont fit into my bracket of friendship. Really, to have a circle like the sex and the city ones, is so rare. To want something is one thing, but to really have it is another, and many of us could actually have that if only we gave up looking for perfection in people, If we ourselves arent perfect how can we expect someone else to be.

I could be wrong, but i have seen this in our society, our priorities are different. Here we have so many people vying for our attention that it becomes difficult to maintain a cirle of trust like the ones we really want. My search for a group or cirlcle like the four charachters took me on a long journey of search. But i realised, that its difficult for us, unlike my UK days, where i made more friends in a year than i ever did in my entire life back home, life demanded more from us here in our homeland. There is Family, there is family keertans, there is family getogethers, there is family birthdays, there is also the 'own home' purchases projects, there is this entire rut of life. Then there are maid servants, there are children, could be babies, could be school going, could be full grown adults but still babies, there are husbands, there are in laws, there are shopping trips, there are saloon trips, there are meeting the parents trips, there Is the Internet time, there is the money handling time and a lot more time. But i wonder in all this, is there a ME time for the average middle class person??

People with babies have to do what they have to do, people with little children have to do what THEY have to do, in the same way each one of us has to what each one has to do. But if you see, for a woman to have ME time in a middle class scenrio is really difficult. Or its just that we dont want to have it. We are so use to prioritising maids first in our lives and then the children that we hardly ever live for ourselves. Is it so difficult? I dont have children as of yet so may be i am missing out the real point here, when my friends tell me they have to work around their kid to make some Me time, i wonder, if i am better off without a kid here.. I love children, but i love life too.. it should nt be an obstruction to anything, i mean dont treat your kid like she/he is a hindarance for you to do what you want to do, teach him to be independant from a young age, teach him that mom has a life of her own too. And if you think that this will happen all of a sudden one day, guess what, it wont. I have an aunt in her early 50's who still has to work around her children, who are working adults to have some ME time.

So, to be a Carrie or Miranda or Samantha, or Charllote, we have to prioritise life, in a way that each one gets to live some life as ME time. I would never give up ME time, but hey wait a minute, maybe mumdom can be excused, because Mirandas life too goes up side down when a baby comes into her life. so maybe its difficult for young mums, but if you see its a life long thing, you will always have somehting to do, somewhere to go, Can you give up Me time for that??

Sigh, wish i had friends like that (sex and the city; Friends) Hey look around, maybe you do.. you are just not aware that you already have great company, just be aware and go have fun, make ME time.

signatures-write and tell

Found this very interesting piece of information on the net, wanted to share it with readers. So what does a signature mean.. It can actually mean a lot, it can say it all, it can leave you exposed. But its very intersting to know what these tell you. each person has a different signature, no two signatures are same, they could be similar but not the same. It goes to proove that no two people in the world are the same too.

Here are some patterns and what they mean:

# SINGLE UNDERLINE BELOW THE SIGN!!
These persons are very confident and are good personalities. They are a
little bit selfish but believe in "Happiness of human life"

# TWO DOTS BELOW THE SIGN!!
These persons are considered to be Romantic, can easily change their
fiancées as if they change their clothes. They prefer beauty in other
persons & they themselves try to look beautiful. They easily attract
others.

# SINGLE DOT BELOW THE SIGN!
These persons are more inclined towards classical arts, simple & are very
cool. If you loose faith with them, then these persons will never look back
at you. Hence its always better to be careful with these people.

# NO UNDERLINES OR DOTS BELOW THE SIGN!!
These persons enjoy their life in their own way, never pay attention to
others views. These are considered to be good natured but are selfish too.

# RANDOM SIGN, NO SIMILARITY BETWEEN NAME & SIGN!!
These persons try to be very smart, hide each & every matter, never say
anything in straight forward manner, never pay attention to the other
person of what he is talking of.

# RANDOM SIGN, SIMILARITY BETWEEN NAME & SIGN!!
These persons are considered to be intelligent but never think. These
people change their ideas & views as fast as the wind changes its direction
of flow. They never think whether that particular thing is right or wrong.
You can win them just by flattering them.

# SIGN IN PRINTED LETTERS!!
These persons are very kind to us, have a good heart, selfless, are ready
to sacrifice their life for the sake of their near & dear. But these seem
to think a lot and may get angry very soon.

# WRITING COMPLETE NAME AS THEIR SIGN!!
These persons are very kind hearted, can adjust themselves to any
environment & to the person they are talking.These persons are very firm on
their views & posses a lot of will power.

i am sad, i am analysing, i am contemplating, wat are you doing?

Read me.. Yes, thats right, read me........

I never knew, i could get so desperate, and yell, 'read me'. Well, i am sad that i am writing my blog and no one is reading them. Sometimes i wonder, is it all about being witnessed? is it all about showcasing ourselves, is it all about living for other people.

Look, here, i am saying, read me, which obviously means, i am sad about not being read, not being heard out or just that people are reading but its not enough for them to reach out to me and comment, they have nothing to say to me. Hmmm.. well.. thats ok.. because i just realised that somewhere each one of us is dying to be witnessed, some of us are sucessful at it, some are trying to, some are getting there, some are already so very there, like our reality show artistes. Yes i say artistes and not participants, mind you.

What is it with them, I dont care who Rakhi Sawanth marries, but i watch, so Rakhi has actually been super sucessfull in getting her life witnessed not only by a hand ful like her family but the entire nation. SOme are even more sucessfull, like an Amitabh or a Tom Cruise or even Dear old Micheal Jackson. The entire world followed thier life, what they do, who they marry, who they adopt, who they date, its all there. Nothing hidden. Sitting here in any corner of the world I can know that when it flooded in Mumbai, Mr Bacchans house too was flooded.

Phew, so many witnesses of ones life. Sharukh had a back surgery and the whole world knew. Saif has visited the emergency ward more than once and see, so many of us prayed for him. Amir is going to be father again, Salmaan has made a solid come back on the small screen, Sach ka saamana is making ripples at the Lok Sabha too.

So much for so many witnesses or say too many witnesses. They say that we get married so that we have someone who will witness our lives. I say who said this, nowadays with all these new reality shows and the media entering our very very private lives do we need witneses of our lifes.. I think the answer is yes, we do need those witnesses.

The aam admi still needs Mummy/Daddy/Pati/patni/devar/chachi/bhabhi/tayi/mausa/Mausi to witness each others life. Other wise whats there to life, we come and go, its all in those witnesses that there is all to life.

So somewhere we all want a witness to our lives, we all want to be heard, to be seen, to be known.

Like my neighbour aunty, always wants her new recepies and dishes to be known in the entire neighbourhood, like when we fall sick we want the whole family by our bedside, like when we get married, we need witnesses, when we give birth to new lifes we need witnesses, when we buy that new home we need people to come and dirty those new walls, yes we do need them, in the same way i need people to read my blog... :-)