The Dependent Independeant!

Can we ever be truely on our own? Can the Indian independent working woman too be bracketed in this bracket of Independence?!?
As i watch Erin Brockovich maybe the 100th time, i suddenly stop to think, can a working woman in India really be like this one. Can she be on her toes with 3 kids to raise on her own. I mean, i am not challenging the modern working class of Indian women, but what i am talking about is our set up, our social set up.


The movie shows Erin dropping off and picking up kids from the neighbours, an informal nanny and people around who support her in raising her kids. Can a single mother in our social set up do all this, if some of you do, then pardon my exposure cause i havent come across such a neighbourhood and such gutsy women. Again, i know women in our country are juggling home, pregnancy, babies, inlaws, marriage and to add it all the MAIDS.


Maids have become the backbone of every household these days, our dependence on them is raised to the extent of we cant think of a home without that luxury in mind. I have heard of people these days paying insane amounts to nannys and maids. Some stay the whole day, some work partime and some are inhouse maids. Come what may, she is given the first preference in any household.
Mrs X : 'There is a Puja in my house in the morning, please come'.
Mrs Y : 'Oh, is it? But my maid comes only in the morning, so i will come only after she leaves, shall i come by lunch?
Mrs x: But the Puja is in the morning.
Mrs y : No problem, I ll send my maid to collect the prasadam by afternoon.


She is the One..


Erin doesnt have a maid or an official nanny she can pay to look after her three angels. She just has a neighbour, who will look out on them when she is away at the law firm or working elsewhere, then she has a boyfriend who stays at home. We cant have neighbours looking after our kids when they themselves have nannys and ayas to do their job. SO its more like we are on our own, we dont have an interdependable system or the system of 'one for all, all for one'.


Now you are wondering what is "ONE FOR ALL, ALL FOR ONE". Its called unity. Unity brings in workability. I shouldn't have to give up my job if i want to work only to look after the children, thats another thing if you really want to be around to be there for them 24/7. But it should be a choice, if someone cant afford a nanny, cant we be united and say, i ll look after them for 4 hours, or we can be a helping hand sometimes. But our society has become devoid of this mutual understanding. Here independence also means that i wouldnt have to take the help of my neighbour, that i would never have to ask for anything from anyone around.


If Erin didn't have the dull neighbor who would watch her three angels or the hippie like boyfriend who would care for the kids when she was away, could she have afforded a nanny, when she didn't have enough to eat or even feed the family 3 square meals?


So people, can we all become a more united lot out here, and say that we will try to follow a, 'one for all and all for one,' approach from now?
But also be wise and check the neighbors credentials before you drop off those precious lil ones, before you go to work, or on a special date, or for your yoga class. Because i really think that motherhood should not be a hindrance or one should not treat motherhood as a hindrance to her normal activities in life.


Have we become fond of isolation? Have we become less welcoming and more to our own? Will our kids have to be taught to say even a 'Hello' to guests? (because they are so use to no one coming home) Will we have to find places to visit like malls and theaters? Wont we ever ever again, just barge into a friends or relatives house unannounced? Will we always fear that our neighbor might be a child abuser? will we never ever have the luxury of interdependence?


WIll we never realise that indeed, ALL FOR ONE, ONE FOR ALL' still works. Unity is still the greatest asset in the world.

Create your own ME time, Sex and the City style..

Cirlce of trust-create one of your own:

Carrie Bradshaw and her three best friends, Miranda Hobbs, Charlotte York and Samantha Jones in the famous citcom, Sex and the City may send us all girls really envious and sigh, i wish i had such friends, i wish i had the thing that these girls share. This is certainly for people who watch one of these citcomes like Friends and Sex and the City and the likes. These serials are based on friendships, relationships, social problems, sex, taboos, myths jargans and many other things. What it also focusses a lot on is relationships, actually the centric point about them is the kind of relationship that friends share.

Unlike, our serials which are very much about the relationships more closer to home, they focus on an individuals level, like her career, her friends, her relationships with maybe bosses, lovers, neighbours etc.

I personally would love to have a caring Carrie, a daring and adventurous Samantha or the sensitive Charlotte or the cool Miranda in my life and i think many women of our generation think so too and agree with me. Me and my dear friend often sigh about not having a circle of trust like these girls have. But again, i go back to thinking, is it that we really dont have such people around us or are we always looking for something apart from what we have. Its like this, I have x but I want y.
Why is it that we are always looking for something, and we cant see the people we already have in our lives. Sure our hearts and minds will start comparing with the tele charachters and want people in life to behave and act like those charachters in the reel, but thats not possible, hello, because we are real people and not perfect.

Perfection doesnt exist in those charachters too in the serials, they have their own shortcomings too. But i have seen this too many times in life, infact i myself am guilty of shunning some people from my life, just cause they dont fit into my bracket of friendship. Really, to have a circle like the sex and the city ones, is so rare. To want something is one thing, but to really have it is another, and many of us could actually have that if only we gave up looking for perfection in people, If we ourselves arent perfect how can we expect someone else to be.

I could be wrong, but i have seen this in our society, our priorities are different. Here we have so many people vying for our attention that it becomes difficult to maintain a cirle of trust like the ones we really want. My search for a group or cirlcle like the four charachters took me on a long journey of search. But i realised, that its difficult for us, unlike my UK days, where i made more friends in a year than i ever did in my entire life back home, life demanded more from us here in our homeland. There is Family, there is family keertans, there is family getogethers, there is family birthdays, there is also the 'own home' purchases projects, there is this entire rut of life. Then there are maid servants, there are children, could be babies, could be school going, could be full grown adults but still babies, there are husbands, there are in laws, there are shopping trips, there are saloon trips, there are meeting the parents trips, there Is the Internet time, there is the money handling time and a lot more time. But i wonder in all this, is there a ME time for the average middle class person??

People with babies have to do what they have to do, people with little children have to do what THEY have to do, in the same way each one of us has to what each one has to do. But if you see, for a woman to have ME time in a middle class scenrio is really difficult. Or its just that we dont want to have it. We are so use to prioritising maids first in our lives and then the children that we hardly ever live for ourselves. Is it so difficult? I dont have children as of yet so may be i am missing out the real point here, when my friends tell me they have to work around their kid to make some Me time, i wonder, if i am better off without a kid here.. I love children, but i love life too.. it should nt be an obstruction to anything, i mean dont treat your kid like she/he is a hindarance for you to do what you want to do, teach him to be independant from a young age, teach him that mom has a life of her own too. And if you think that this will happen all of a sudden one day, guess what, it wont. I have an aunt in her early 50's who still has to work around her children, who are working adults to have some ME time.

So, to be a Carrie or Miranda or Samantha, or Charllote, we have to prioritise life, in a way that each one gets to live some life as ME time. I would never give up ME time, but hey wait a minute, maybe mumdom can be excused, because Mirandas life too goes up side down when a baby comes into her life. so maybe its difficult for young mums, but if you see its a life long thing, you will always have somehting to do, somewhere to go, Can you give up Me time for that??

Sigh, wish i had friends like that (sex and the city; Friends) Hey look around, maybe you do.. you are just not aware that you already have great company, just be aware and go have fun, make ME time.

signatures-write and tell

Found this very interesting piece of information on the net, wanted to share it with readers. So what does a signature mean.. It can actually mean a lot, it can say it all, it can leave you exposed. But its very intersting to know what these tell you. each person has a different signature, no two signatures are same, they could be similar but not the same. It goes to proove that no two people in the world are the same too.

Here are some patterns and what they mean:

# SINGLE UNDERLINE BELOW THE SIGN!!
These persons are very confident and are good personalities. They are a
little bit selfish but believe in "Happiness of human life"

# TWO DOTS BELOW THE SIGN!!
These persons are considered to be Romantic, can easily change their
fiancées as if they change their clothes. They prefer beauty in other
persons & they themselves try to look beautiful. They easily attract
others.

# SINGLE DOT BELOW THE SIGN!
These persons are more inclined towards classical arts, simple & are very
cool. If you loose faith with them, then these persons will never look back
at you. Hence its always better to be careful with these people.

# NO UNDERLINES OR DOTS BELOW THE SIGN!!
These persons enjoy their life in their own way, never pay attention to
others views. These are considered to be good natured but are selfish too.

# RANDOM SIGN, NO SIMILARITY BETWEEN NAME & SIGN!!
These persons try to be very smart, hide each & every matter, never say
anything in straight forward manner, never pay attention to the other
person of what he is talking of.

# RANDOM SIGN, SIMILARITY BETWEEN NAME & SIGN!!
These persons are considered to be intelligent but never think. These
people change their ideas & views as fast as the wind changes its direction
of flow. They never think whether that particular thing is right or wrong.
You can win them just by flattering them.

# SIGN IN PRINTED LETTERS!!
These persons are very kind to us, have a good heart, selfless, are ready
to sacrifice their life for the sake of their near & dear. But these seem
to think a lot and may get angry very soon.

# WRITING COMPLETE NAME AS THEIR SIGN!!
These persons are very kind hearted, can adjust themselves to any
environment & to the person they are talking.These persons are very firm on
their views & posses a lot of will power.

i am sad, i am analysing, i am contemplating, wat are you doing?

Read me.. Yes, thats right, read me........

I never knew, i could get so desperate, and yell, 'read me'. Well, i am sad that i am writing my blog and no one is reading them. Sometimes i wonder, is it all about being witnessed? is it all about showcasing ourselves, is it all about living for other people.

Look, here, i am saying, read me, which obviously means, i am sad about not being read, not being heard out or just that people are reading but its not enough for them to reach out to me and comment, they have nothing to say to me. Hmmm.. well.. thats ok.. because i just realised that somewhere each one of us is dying to be witnessed, some of us are sucessful at it, some are trying to, some are getting there, some are already so very there, like our reality show artistes. Yes i say artistes and not participants, mind you.

What is it with them, I dont care who Rakhi Sawanth marries, but i watch, so Rakhi has actually been super sucessfull in getting her life witnessed not only by a hand ful like her family but the entire nation. SOme are even more sucessfull, like an Amitabh or a Tom Cruise or even Dear old Micheal Jackson. The entire world followed thier life, what they do, who they marry, who they adopt, who they date, its all there. Nothing hidden. Sitting here in any corner of the world I can know that when it flooded in Mumbai, Mr Bacchans house too was flooded.

Phew, so many witnesses of ones life. Sharukh had a back surgery and the whole world knew. Saif has visited the emergency ward more than once and see, so many of us prayed for him. Amir is going to be father again, Salmaan has made a solid come back on the small screen, Sach ka saamana is making ripples at the Lok Sabha too.

So much for so many witnesses or say too many witnesses. They say that we get married so that we have someone who will witness our lives. I say who said this, nowadays with all these new reality shows and the media entering our very very private lives do we need witneses of our lifes.. I think the answer is yes, we do need those witnesses.

The aam admi still needs Mummy/Daddy/Pati/patni/devar/chachi/bhabhi/tayi/mausa/Mausi to witness each others life. Other wise whats there to life, we come and go, its all in those witnesses that there is all to life.

So somewhere we all want a witness to our lives, we all want to be heard, to be seen, to be known.

Like my neighbour aunty, always wants her new recepies and dishes to be known in the entire neighbourhood, like when we fall sick we want the whole family by our bedside, like when we get married, we need witnesses, when we give birth to new lifes we need witnesses, when we buy that new home we need people to come and dirty those new walls, yes we do need them, in the same way i need people to read my blog... :-)

Agreements we enter

'Gosh, i am so nervous, you know i have never had such a huge audience'. wow.. here you go..bang.. you just entered an agreement, that too an unknown one.

'Gee, i am not that great a cook ok, i am also slow at it and i am not regular with cooking too, i am a bit lazy when it comes to all this' here you go, another one.

'How are you so organised? i always wondered how you plan your day so well, i suck at it'.

I will not stop here, i will go on to ruin some more of myself.

The other day, i bumped into an old friend whom i invited for lunch and she actually asked me, 'So tell me you have a cook, cause i want to live some more'. Yeah, i know, dont get so senti, it was just a joke, ya ya i know.. i myself said all this, i myself enlightened people about how i dont cook that well, when i actually do, i myself said i am not regular with cooking, when i definitely have at least two dishes for each meal.

How about this, i am with old friends from school and i suddenly burst out saying, yeah i was forgetful from beginning, that kind of hasn't changed.. duh, who remembers how i was in school but hey, I just reminded them. And actually re affirmed it, even if i am kind of ok with remembering things offlate.

By now you must be thinking, ok, whats the point. The point is that we make agreements about ourselves all the time, and some of us make positive ones and some of just have foot in the mouth situations and ruin it for ourselves. So the next time you are in conversation with someone, keep in mind that you are creating yourself, the other person doesnt know, doesnt care, doesnt want to know what you are all about, but what he gets is, what you say about yourself.

So if you are saying, that your nervous about singing in front of people, it gets registered, you are always going to be someone who is fearfull, who is not so confident and a timid rat. So even if one day you are over it and think you are this confident person, people always relate to you as what you have said. Remember, we create ourselves, we actually tell people what we are and what we arent, otherwise no one is out there evaluating you all the time. Its us, we are all the time creating agreements about ourselves.

So if the agreement about you is that you are timid, look back, watch your own words, when did you yourself talk yourself into this agreement. when did you start telling people irrelevant stories about how scared you are when you talk to seniors, how scared you are when you talk to elder people, or how scared you are of aggressive women. When, just when have you been talking or yapping away without thinking about the agreement, the creation.

Next time someone assumes you will bungle up the song on stage, you will take forever to make dinner, you will not be able to do the project on time, that you suck at remembering things, just look back, dont judge them wrong, or assume that people get me wrong all the time.. Maybe, just maybe, in the past or sometime recent, you were yapping away your sad story about being this bad singer, being this timid performer, being this sucker cook, being terrible at memory, its all you, its all in our word.

Gosh, i talk a lot.. Hey did i just enter another agreement, the next time you meet me, dont taunt me on that. Now i make a new agreement about myself, did you know i am not nervous while writing this blog, did you know i dont get nervous while singing with instruments, yes thats exactly my point.

Unless you dont create yourself in your language, dont speak good about yourselves, no one will know, all they will know is you are not good at this and you are not good at that.. they will never know the other stuff, the good stuff, the real stuff, the real YOU. So, go on and create yourselves..

Bizzare stuff - WHAT AN IDEA SIRJEE

There is an Abhishek Bachan ad doing the rounds these days and the tag line goes like, Walk while you talk..

At first it goes like a doctor prescribing this remedy on TV and the entire population following his word, which leaves him jobless in the end. What an idea sirjee.. when the world over people are telling others to be safe and take care while on the road, we are giving our already bizarre people some more bizarre ideas. How many times have u had to screech your car or bike, to save from crashing into someone chatting away into their mobile phones? how many times have you yelled at someone behind the wheel just because he was talking while driving. So all these tag lines or creative lines can be really adding to all the prevailing chaos.

While i surely to love AbhishekBacchaan, i dun want to see him adding to nonsense in our lives. Walk while you talk,, phew,, i am sure they could think of something else. Its the silliest actually, more than silly, its misleading for our aam janta because most often we follow blindly without thinking about consequences.. oh its kewl, lemme also walk while i talk and here i go, i cross the road with a mobile in my hand and then, who knows, anything can happen to you. Keeping that in mind, this mindless campaign surely must stop.

Recently, somebodys status message read, love the walk while you talk campaign, i was like, dude, whats there to love about it, yes you shouldn't block the roads and stand chatting, but certainly dont publicize such stupid ideas. Courtesy is in taking your phone away and keep talking not at your life's risk is all i am saying.

The Hall Experience

Oh, I rather see the movie on my home-theatre!! But what about the big screen, ya… my big screen is big enough. What about sound effects? What about them, sound is also good enough; we really are ok with watching Dev D on the DVD. Okkk is what I said and let it go there, but I kept thinking of this culture difference between my newfound best friend and me. So does that mean, people wont go to the theatres to enjoy the grandeur of cinema anymore!!!

Sigh, what a pity, I said to myself and sulked a little more about it to my husband too. He just shrugged his shoulders and said, so she wants to enjoy her homes privacy and the comfort and lie back on a couch instead of the plush lazy boy chair of a PVR. Its her choice. Of course its her choice I said, and I respect her for that, but what about ‘cinema’. What about it?

Here I was thinking all day long, thinking about why some people deny themselves of the pleasure of going to a movie hall. Why they prefer the DVD’S and confine themselves to their homes to watch a movie. What is the point? For me its always been the whole experience of watching the big screen with larger than life pictures on them, seeing each one of the colours come live on the screen.

It’s almost a sin not to see the actor’s most feeble expressions and dance with them in joy or to cry feeling every tear you see. Every emotion comes to life, as if it were your life instead of the character’s life on screen. I want to hear the dialogues as if I am saying them and let them ring in my head for an entire week even after I have seen the movie. I want the songs to be so loud that I drown in the music; I want the whole dhik chak mujic to resonate as loud as possible and the dolbys to thunder in the deepest corner of my ear.

I can almost see how by now you know I am a movie hall freak. But you too must admit that seeing a movie in the theatre is nothing close to watching it at home on a DVD.

Common, remember the whole hall and each person gritting his/her teeth when Amir Khan and his friends were being gunned down at the radio station in Rang de Basanti, remember how each person was falling off his chair laughing seeing Happy at work in Singh is King. The whole hall standing when the national anthem is played, the feeling is that of collective pride and an awesome feeling of oneness.

The break often brings in the smell of hot popcorn and the latest additions like nachos or a baskin and robin ice cream, or someone hogging on an entire chat plate. Its celebration, it’s a party, it’s a grand outing. Its also a time to check who is watching the movie with you, like you look around and walk past other fellow viewers with your popcorn in hand. It could be an interesting little break to find some old friends at the same hall too.

A nod to your neighbour, the collective roar of laughter, passing a tissue when someone cries inconsolably for Marley the pooch from ‘Marley and Me’, are all experiences the home theatre walas miss. Those are the moments; the joy of a crowd is connecting through that one movie. So go out and watch the latest flick, if you haven’t done so in a long time, give your home theatre a teeny-weeny break for just a while.