i am sad, i am analysing, i am contemplating, wat are you doing?

Read me.. Yes, thats right, read me........

I never knew, i could get so desperate, and yell, 'read me'. Well, i am sad that i am writing my blog and no one is reading them. Sometimes i wonder, is it all about being witnessed? is it all about showcasing ourselves, is it all about living for other people.

Look, here, i am saying, read me, which obviously means, i am sad about not being read, not being heard out or just that people are reading but its not enough for them to reach out to me and comment, they have nothing to say to me. Hmmm.. well.. thats ok.. because i just realised that somewhere each one of us is dying to be witnessed, some of us are sucessful at it, some are trying to, some are getting there, some are already so very there, like our reality show artistes. Yes i say artistes and not participants, mind you.

What is it with them, I dont care who Rakhi Sawanth marries, but i watch, so Rakhi has actually been super sucessfull in getting her life witnessed not only by a hand ful like her family but the entire nation. SOme are even more sucessfull, like an Amitabh or a Tom Cruise or even Dear old Micheal Jackson. The entire world followed thier life, what they do, who they marry, who they adopt, who they date, its all there. Nothing hidden. Sitting here in any corner of the world I can know that when it flooded in Mumbai, Mr Bacchans house too was flooded.

Phew, so many witnesses of ones life. Sharukh had a back surgery and the whole world knew. Saif has visited the emergency ward more than once and see, so many of us prayed for him. Amir is going to be father again, Salmaan has made a solid come back on the small screen, Sach ka saamana is making ripples at the Lok Sabha too.

So much for so many witnesses or say too many witnesses. They say that we get married so that we have someone who will witness our lives. I say who said this, nowadays with all these new reality shows and the media entering our very very private lives do we need witneses of our lifes.. I think the answer is yes, we do need those witnesses.

The aam admi still needs Mummy/Daddy/Pati/patni/devar/chachi/bhabhi/tayi/mausa/Mausi to witness each others life. Other wise whats there to life, we come and go, its all in those witnesses that there is all to life.

So somewhere we all want a witness to our lives, we all want to be heard, to be seen, to be known.

Like my neighbour aunty, always wants her new recepies and dishes to be known in the entire neighbourhood, like when we fall sick we want the whole family by our bedside, like when we get married, we need witnesses, when we give birth to new lifes we need witnesses, when we buy that new home we need people to come and dirty those new walls, yes we do need them, in the same way i need people to read my blog... :-)

Agreements we enter

'Gosh, i am so nervous, you know i have never had such a huge audience'. wow.. here you go..bang.. you just entered an agreement, that too an unknown one.

'Gee, i am not that great a cook ok, i am also slow at it and i am not regular with cooking too, i am a bit lazy when it comes to all this' here you go, another one.

'How are you so organised? i always wondered how you plan your day so well, i suck at it'.

I will not stop here, i will go on to ruin some more of myself.

The other day, i bumped into an old friend whom i invited for lunch and she actually asked me, 'So tell me you have a cook, cause i want to live some more'. Yeah, i know, dont get so senti, it was just a joke, ya ya i know.. i myself said all this, i myself enlightened people about how i dont cook that well, when i actually do, i myself said i am not regular with cooking, when i definitely have at least two dishes for each meal.

How about this, i am with old friends from school and i suddenly burst out saying, yeah i was forgetful from beginning, that kind of hasn't changed.. duh, who remembers how i was in school but hey, I just reminded them. And actually re affirmed it, even if i am kind of ok with remembering things offlate.

By now you must be thinking, ok, whats the point. The point is that we make agreements about ourselves all the time, and some of us make positive ones and some of just have foot in the mouth situations and ruin it for ourselves. So the next time you are in conversation with someone, keep in mind that you are creating yourself, the other person doesnt know, doesnt care, doesnt want to know what you are all about, but what he gets is, what you say about yourself.

So if you are saying, that your nervous about singing in front of people, it gets registered, you are always going to be someone who is fearfull, who is not so confident and a timid rat. So even if one day you are over it and think you are this confident person, people always relate to you as what you have said. Remember, we create ourselves, we actually tell people what we are and what we arent, otherwise no one is out there evaluating you all the time. Its us, we are all the time creating agreements about ourselves.

So if the agreement about you is that you are timid, look back, watch your own words, when did you yourself talk yourself into this agreement. when did you start telling people irrelevant stories about how scared you are when you talk to seniors, how scared you are when you talk to elder people, or how scared you are of aggressive women. When, just when have you been talking or yapping away without thinking about the agreement, the creation.

Next time someone assumes you will bungle up the song on stage, you will take forever to make dinner, you will not be able to do the project on time, that you suck at remembering things, just look back, dont judge them wrong, or assume that people get me wrong all the time.. Maybe, just maybe, in the past or sometime recent, you were yapping away your sad story about being this bad singer, being this timid performer, being this sucker cook, being terrible at memory, its all you, its all in our word.

Gosh, i talk a lot.. Hey did i just enter another agreement, the next time you meet me, dont taunt me on that. Now i make a new agreement about myself, did you know i am not nervous while writing this blog, did you know i dont get nervous while singing with instruments, yes thats exactly my point.

Unless you dont create yourself in your language, dont speak good about yourselves, no one will know, all they will know is you are not good at this and you are not good at that.. they will never know the other stuff, the good stuff, the real stuff, the real YOU. So, go on and create yourselves..

Bizzare stuff - WHAT AN IDEA SIRJEE

There is an Abhishek Bachan ad doing the rounds these days and the tag line goes like, Walk while you talk..

At first it goes like a doctor prescribing this remedy on TV and the entire population following his word, which leaves him jobless in the end. What an idea sirjee.. when the world over people are telling others to be safe and take care while on the road, we are giving our already bizarre people some more bizarre ideas. How many times have u had to screech your car or bike, to save from crashing into someone chatting away into their mobile phones? how many times have you yelled at someone behind the wheel just because he was talking while driving. So all these tag lines or creative lines can be really adding to all the prevailing chaos.

While i surely to love AbhishekBacchaan, i dun want to see him adding to nonsense in our lives. Walk while you talk,, phew,, i am sure they could think of something else. Its the silliest actually, more than silly, its misleading for our aam janta because most often we follow blindly without thinking about consequences.. oh its kewl, lemme also walk while i talk and here i go, i cross the road with a mobile in my hand and then, who knows, anything can happen to you. Keeping that in mind, this mindless campaign surely must stop.

Recently, somebodys status message read, love the walk while you talk campaign, i was like, dude, whats there to love about it, yes you shouldn't block the roads and stand chatting, but certainly dont publicize such stupid ideas. Courtesy is in taking your phone away and keep talking not at your life's risk is all i am saying.

The Hall Experience

Oh, I rather see the movie on my home-theatre!! But what about the big screen, ya… my big screen is big enough. What about sound effects? What about them, sound is also good enough; we really are ok with watching Dev D on the DVD. Okkk is what I said and let it go there, but I kept thinking of this culture difference between my newfound best friend and me. So does that mean, people wont go to the theatres to enjoy the grandeur of cinema anymore!!!

Sigh, what a pity, I said to myself and sulked a little more about it to my husband too. He just shrugged his shoulders and said, so she wants to enjoy her homes privacy and the comfort and lie back on a couch instead of the plush lazy boy chair of a PVR. Its her choice. Of course its her choice I said, and I respect her for that, but what about ‘cinema’. What about it?

Here I was thinking all day long, thinking about why some people deny themselves of the pleasure of going to a movie hall. Why they prefer the DVD’S and confine themselves to their homes to watch a movie. What is the point? For me its always been the whole experience of watching the big screen with larger than life pictures on them, seeing each one of the colours come live on the screen.

It’s almost a sin not to see the actor’s most feeble expressions and dance with them in joy or to cry feeling every tear you see. Every emotion comes to life, as if it were your life instead of the character’s life on screen. I want to hear the dialogues as if I am saying them and let them ring in my head for an entire week even after I have seen the movie. I want the songs to be so loud that I drown in the music; I want the whole dhik chak mujic to resonate as loud as possible and the dolbys to thunder in the deepest corner of my ear.

I can almost see how by now you know I am a movie hall freak. But you too must admit that seeing a movie in the theatre is nothing close to watching it at home on a DVD.

Common, remember the whole hall and each person gritting his/her teeth when Amir Khan and his friends were being gunned down at the radio station in Rang de Basanti, remember how each person was falling off his chair laughing seeing Happy at work in Singh is King. The whole hall standing when the national anthem is played, the feeling is that of collective pride and an awesome feeling of oneness.

The break often brings in the smell of hot popcorn and the latest additions like nachos or a baskin and robin ice cream, or someone hogging on an entire chat plate. Its celebration, it’s a party, it’s a grand outing. Its also a time to check who is watching the movie with you, like you look around and walk past other fellow viewers with your popcorn in hand. It could be an interesting little break to find some old friends at the same hall too.

A nod to your neighbour, the collective roar of laughter, passing a tissue when someone cries inconsolably for Marley the pooch from ‘Marley and Me’, are all experiences the home theatre walas miss. Those are the moments; the joy of a crowd is connecting through that one movie. So go out and watch the latest flick, if you haven’t done so in a long time, give your home theatre a teeny-weeny break for just a while.

WHEN WE WERE SMALL WE WERE CERTAINLY NOT LIKE THIS.

Cute baby photos are what i scan a lot these days, and i save some of them too. So if somebody is seeing my lap top for instance will know immedietely that here is someone either expecting or expecting to be an expecting mom.. uff.. so much for the speculation, and so much for the jumbling of words and the mind.

I ll tell you, kids today are not what we were, i mean i know every generation feels that, oh, when we were small we were not like this. Today they are a lot smarter, they are a lot that we werent. They are confident, they are techno savy, they are everything savy, they know stuff. You ll find them boggie woggying around in the best of clothes, you ll find them becoming badshahs of laughter, my they can have some humour huh and they can get hold of your mobile and play those video games which are just an application to you, isnt it!!!(well, atleast for me video games are not something i enjoy, and i am proud to say i have never played a video game, well, actually i suck at it)

Switch on the TV and you ll find them selling you every damn thing, from a toothpaste to soap, from a basmathi rice to noodles, from technology to life insurance policies, my God, they are everywhere, they are the best sales people according to me and a lot of advertising gurus and the numbers are telling it. A shoo cute little kid says something awfully cute, and look what you are doing the next day in your super market. Yes, you are actually buying that toothpaste that dream kid vouched for, or you are thinking of replacing that or scooter for a new one just because the kid thinks its cool. Think about it, how many times have you done it! Hmm.. i can say i have fallen for that innocent smile and cute lines quite many times. And God save parents who have the same age children as those kid models, they really have a tough time convincing their kids against something unneccessary.

Now have you noticed that when you think of kids its always one of these cute little blond babies that come to your mind, like the cerelac ones or the johnson and johnson ones.. we all want the cute ones.. we adore them, they are shoooo cute and so on goes the adulation. Yes i know now lot of you wont agree with me on the face but , just lets give it a thought and tell yourselves the truth, we all think cute. we all think fair, cute, chubby blond babies who grow up into cuter children.

Stop to think of it, most children, babies and little ones are very cute. But not everyone's a poster boys for sure. But this is changing, i recently saw an ad where children are playing galli cricket, where the kid says, uncle, dusre haath pe bhi maaro, kyunki yeh bhi sixer hi hoga.. now this is an ordinary kid, these are the kinds i am talking about, the very people next door types. I would certainly adore the cute ones but lets admit it that not everybody can have poster kids// like this one...

I was shocked when i asked my maids cute little smiling child, what all does he study in school. The boy who claims to be in 6th, (looks like a 1 st standard child) said, emmm,, nothing much.. ganitha- i asked- okhay- what else- he was like, kannada- great, what else- emm, nothing much, ganitha only.. he said they come to teach only ganitha which is math.. I asked what about English, what about the others. He said, our English teacher doesnt come to school. COme againe.. i have read about this in papers, but i assumed that, ok, i am an aware elite class person, i know i have read about these things that teachers dont attend their classes in Government schools, but this is REALL?? and this happens inspite of the "enlightening ARTICLES" appearing in the newspapers?? really?? teachers dont come to school, so they actually bunk classes. shouldnt such teachers be fined.. shouldnt such irresponsibilty be accounted for, just because its a government school and the cute, elite, priveledged kid doesnt go there, shud it be run so badly.

Shivappa, sorry not the poster boy kid of our dreams, attends school from 8 am to 3 pm, and what does he learn, how many classes does he have in a day, does he have a time table, does he have a lunch break, does he have tests, does he actually study for them, do he and his friends actually have a PT class? or are they just left out like cattle into the playground at that time. I really want to know. Dont Shivappa and his likes deserve a decent education if at all. But as i say this another thought occured to my mind that is atleast they are not uneducated, maybe someday Shivappa will realise his true potential and will study hard and ask for his classes his right that a teacher assigned to his class actually comes and teaches the lessons he is meant to be learning.

Do these kids also cry for that new choclate they saw in an ad in a cute baby's hand? Do likes of SHivappa, make a hue and cry about not having the latest X box? Do they cry about not able to win the tennis match because of not having the latest Nike shoes? Do they fuss about loosing a reality show? I dont know, i really dont, but i want to know. I want to know what these real life poster kids, do to fit in, or not fit in. It aches, we talk about the beggars on the street, make movies on them, give them stardom, but do we really care.

Lets try, to make every kid we know the poster boy we dreamt of, it is his/her right. Because every child deseves the best. Because in his own right he is already the best.

Its time to hit back: Turn into a woman for one day!!!

Hitting women, punching them, trying to remove their clothes, what has this mad man called Mutalik unleashed in the name of saving culture. Does he even realize the damage he has done to the society? Dirty and frustrated men are now on the loose, attacking any successful woman they see on road. This is the unhealthiest trend ever seen in the History of Bangalore.

In the wake of attacks on women from every walk of life, whether a woman chooses to wear a slawaar or a pair of jeans is none of anybody’s business except the respective woman’s. With increasing attacks on women of our society, the time has come for another challenge, a radical one. We tried telling them through retaliation in form of symbolic protests, they didn’t deter, we tried shouting out loud that we know what to do, please leave us alone, they still consider us their property, now is the time for a real lesson. I suggest that we give it back, they want to hit us, lets hit them back, come what may we don’t allow them to harm us. Move only in groups for a while, carry pepper sprays, chilly powder and if needed a knife to threaten these rogues.

But before that, my invitation to Mr Mutalik, would be to be a woman for a day and experience what it is to be one. Apart from all the duties and expectations that a lady fulfils with great ease, she also gracefully plays various dynamic roles in the society. But the point is, I want him to actually have a day out dressed as a woman.

Mutalik doesn’t realise the damage which he has done with the Mangalore incident. The anti-social goonda elements have got a safe hound under which they can go ahead and harm women under the false and hypocritical pretext of protecting Indian culture, which as we all know is utter nonsense.

We as women would really then, like to know, how his day out was as a woman, was he pinched in the butt, or nudged in the thigh, did someone grab his arm just like that or did someone pass the most sleaziest remark at him just because he is a woman.

Its easy to try to control something which you think is dangerous and threatening your own notions of freedom. But to really understand what a woman faces on a day to day basis on any given road in any given place on earth is different. We are under constant threats by such radical thoughts and people who use such pretexts to harm women.

Women, I say, instead of presenting him pink chaddis I think now we should give him a jeans, a spaghetti, a saree, a salwar kameez and a wig. Let him wear all of them just to see if the bystanders and dirty lechers spare a woman in a saree or a salwaar kameez.

Only cowards attack vulnerable people, and its easy to catch someone off guard. Such incidents should not be spared and we as people need to start teaming up to fight this false war of culture.

I also wish, that all schools start teaching self defence for girls. SO tomorrow if a girl is attacked she can give them back more than a piece of her mind.

Last but not the least, Mutalik turning terror fighter is the biggest joke of the year. How can someone who has already spread terror, talk of fighting it.

Malini Misra Bhattacharya.

Its just a job, and i still dun have one!?!

As i asked one of my friend to check if there was a vacancy in his company for a particular post and job, i dint know that i was crossing the thin line of asking for sifarish and just a friendly check or so. Like just asking someone to check, hey do you think there is this vacancy in your company types. Little did i know the guy actually wasnt prepared for me asking for a casual reference like this.

A week later i actually got a call from this company and I was called for a test in which i fared well, but then the interview sucked and i after all dint get the job. So here i was calling my friend and talking to him as if he cared, totally unaware of his triggering annoyance. Talking to him and letting him know of the progress seemed like a must do to me as it was because of his contact that i even got a call so soon.

Weeks later i get a call from my good friend again and this time, guess what, he actually had another job recommendation for me, says look, there is this opening, would you like to do it. I was like ya, i d love to, and landed up for an interview after which i even got the job. But there is a twist, i somehow didnt take it up.

Well, well well, here goes another oppurtunity, which i blew away on my own. Now who is to blame, ofcourse my indecisive nature. But that is not it. weeks later once again when i bump into my friend i couldnt stop myself from enquiring about a job posting from his company, which i saw in one of the job sites. There I go again.... This time my friend has had it, i really dint know that i was actually asking him to be my agent sort of. I dint think of it that way because, usually thats how you could land yourself into an oppurtunity. But that was the last I heard from him, because he obligded but really didnt take my job quieries lightly.

Recently when i heard from him, he actually told me that, he wouldnt help me in finding jobs, because, 'THAT IS NOT HIS JOB'.

Now what is this thin line i crossed, did i over shoot, did i expect too much from a friend, did i actually loose a friend. Well, I have lost many good friends in life, (so have you) but here, i am a little confused, arent so many people doing this, leveraging their contacts, Linkedin, orkut, facebook, job network sites... everyone is.. CUMMONNN.. was it this bad.. Can you no more ask a friend to be a friend. Is it impolite.... As far as I am concerend, i think yes, rules may have changed, maybe its no more just OK to ask for a job favour.. or even just checking out for you.