Tuesday, April 05, 2022

Capernaum

 Why???? 

The first reaction to this heart wrenching tale of a  boy who sue’s his parents for his birth, will shake you, and you may cry a lot, you may not be the same ever again. 
Capharnaum, is a movie, about a little boy from Beirut, Lebanon capital. As soon as you see the first scene you know that this is no set, these are not actors, the kids are not white actors or black actors. everyone is real and some of the characters like the judges, are played by retired judges of the place. 

Zain is the main character of the story and he runs away from home, when the abuse and poverty of the parents becomes unbearable. Zain is a beautiful boy who loves his sister, and when theres injustice done to the child of 11 years, he runs away. 
He ends up caring for a strangers baby, and ends up on the streets, under dangerous circumstances. Its out an out a story through the eyes of Zain the child. He ends up in jail for a crime he commits in rage. Not revealing the whole story. I think its a movie to be seen by each human being. The director hasn’t used any hyperbole, or hate, or judgement, or taken sides to show us the situation in Beirut, Lebanon. 

Coming across almost, like a documentary, Zain’s story of child abuse, emotional abuse, his love for his sister, his maturity which happens due to his circumstances, his pain, his tears, his sweet face and those greenish blue eyes.. everything just takes you on a tale which makes you wonder, why, why this pain, why so much pain, why do children, the most defenseless and tender beings, who are in the beginning of their lives, sometimes pay for their parents lacadisical approach to life… In the end Zain sues them and tells the judge to ask them to stop having more children. Maybe he never sees them again, as by now, Zain has grown so much, that he doesn’t need them to take care of him.. After his sentence we don’t know what happens , but wherever he or such children are, I hope they see a better life, i hope, parents procreate more consciously. 
Capernaum also a French word for Chaos.. is the right word for the state the world is in today… Utter chaos… 
Watch it.. Its on Prime. 




Thursday, October 11, 2018

Bliss - Music i go to these days

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8vVkAu7DRo&list=RDt8vVkAu7DRo&start_radio=1



One could sit here and listen to this music forever and forget about the world behind.
Its really healing to do so. By the way, these are not my feet. They are my husbands, we had been to a fort city in Karnataka. Chitradurga. Its one of the most enticing place I have ever seen. Its mysterious, breathtakingly beautiful except for the town which has grown into the fort, well, almost.

This blue water is visible from the Chitradurga dam, on the way out of the town, its a slight diversion from the main highway inside. Inside the village, towards the dam, stand really massive and beautiful Peepul trees with magestic roots till the ground. Further up is the dam. It has a flight of stairs with atleast a 75 steps. The view is beautiful. Out there, get to this link, sit on the benches and listen with eyes at the water or closed. Its a heavenly feeling.

Click on this link and enjoy this blissful music.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8vVkAu7DRo&list=RDt8vVkAu7DRo&start_radio=1

Enjoy

Monday, October 08, 2018

Finding me

I have forgotten what it is to be me,
I no longer recognize my voice
don't know if it's me or someone's advice
scared to see the truth,
scared to acknowledge my deeper side
the one that wants
one that desires
I no longer know if i love, or i like
I dont know if i must go this way or that,
I connect soon and disconnect faster
holding on to people who have moved away
was never my idea
but life looks scary like a bungee jump
when I let go
they say, act, take action, it's time
but my heart asks for more time
my head goes back and forth all the time
memories, present moment or somewhere far away,
have I gone crazy
why the hallucinations that one day..
I have forgotten myself
my innermost self, my breath
who am I,
to myself,
The confusion?
the chaos?
 the little moments of clarity?
the seeds of this state were put long back
when a little girl,
I long to go back
to be one with the little girl and tell her
be more accepting,
be more adventurous
be your unapologetic self
be bold, brave, embracing life,
forget the scars, it's ok,
hug them, and let them go,
But I end up in self-pity each time, instead,
It's time,
Let go
Free fall..
©malinimisra

Tuesday, August 07, 2018

alone and lonely


I am not always this lonely,
but i am actually always this alone,
I wait for some tomorrow that exists in some other era,
I feel stuck from time to time,
but i also feel greatful for my life,
Isn't it human to feel stuck and not find a way
what is the way I look for
what do I want
what does life want from me
does it want anything at all
why am I here,
is there a future waiting for me
will i ever feel differently alive again
when was the last time I felt alive
There is a lot to do,
but what is there to do


Free Flow





When faced with a situation which does not allow us to move in any direction, it is called being stuck. I am sure everyone goes through this. But when it starts and it never ends, then what do you call it?
"Forever stuck?"
The very sound of this word, makes me sad, anxious, agitated, angry and very very low. Because you cant be stuck forever, its not normal. We all make attempts to break the cycle, to do something to get unstuck, but somehow end up going back to usual very soon.
A power packed act here, a ritual there, and a few days of good sun shine, after which we go back into the same cave we usually go to. The stuck cave.

What do I do to unstuck myself?

Well, I walk, i take walking breaks, a lot of them. I wish I could take more and go on long walks. But my countries attitude towards women alone, doesn't really give me the freedom to walk wherever and whenever I want. Especially, freely on the roads, or a lakeside or a park. Anything could happen to you.

Next, I take singing breaks, yes, i sit down on my mat and do some serious 'riyaaz' mostly for half hour or an hour. After which i usually feel good and generous. And loving and all. But again it lasts for a short while only.

Breathing breaks, Yep, i sit down and just breath for a few minutes. I like to use meditation apps. Some of these apps have beautiful voices and people with indepth insights and knowledge on matters close to my heart or for that matter anyones heart. If you have the time explore them. Could be worth your time too.

Stare at the sky and grass breaks.
I just sit like a 'Guggu' (idiot in Kannada) lol, and stare at the sky, and clouds and everything above. Sometimes I get lucky to spot white doves and sometimes actual 'Goobes' (Sparrow- slang word in kannada :D)



Yoga break
I actually like to stretch out on my manduka mat and feel my breath and hear my bones creak. If you close your eyes into the simplest poses it makes a lot of difference. But again, the effects of it may or may not last depending on your environment. Sometimes it takes more than just a stretch, you may even have to try to bend your back completly into a snake pose or a much advanced stand on your head pose. I don't try too hard by the way. I am happy with moving just a little bit.

Poem breaks
I like to write or scribble into my notepad or some app, where no one knows me. Where total strangers read me and leave appreciative notes instead of dead silence of known friends and family. Yeah, this sucks. Sometimes unknown people are better than most people you know, but wait till they know you and the praise will stop right there.
Green breaks
I also spend a lot of time going and meeting my green friends in short intervals. This was my garden before it got a makeover by a nice maali, (Gardener) Greenery gives my heart the solace which it looks for, i don't feel that alone when I am with my plants.


Dance break.
Put on some soft music or bhangra or some exhillerating new age music and move to the beat. This is something i dont do very often these days, maybe I should start all over again.

I write blogs :)

Play the guitar, I hardly learnt a few chords and a few beats. So i like to strum those when I want to feel a flow.

I talk to my parents when its really bad.
I talk to very few people and now its mostly on the messages, so yes as i write this i realise how lonely people are getting or its just me.

What are your breaks? How do you unwind from time to time, what relaxes you and free's you from the anxt?
I would really really love to hear from anyone who writes back..


Thursday, August 02, 2018

A heart to heart with Dhanashree

A Chat With Dhanashri Ghaisas, A Fresh Young Voice From The Jaipur-Atrauli Gharana

Dhanashri Ghaisas, a talented Hindustani vocalist of Jaipur-Atrauli gharana, shishya of Vidushi Dr Ashwini Bhide Deshpande, says passion for music is what drives her.
Bollywood, popular media, many advertising commercials and stand up gigs, haven’t really helped the cause of Indian classical music much. There is mostly a comical way of portraying riyaaz (practice of music) as, “Aaaa” gamaks, and people getting bored or youngsters making excuses and running away from it. This is far from reality, but directly or indirectly, popular mass media has done quite a lot of damage. But, more and more youngsters taking up Hindustani music and Carnatic Music seriously are definitely challenging this perception.
Proving such clichéd portrayals wrong is one such young upcoming Hindustani classical vocalist, 32-year-old Dhanashri Ghaisas. She happens to be the student of renowned Hindustani classical vocalist Dr Ashwini Bhide-Deshpande. A musician, an erstwhile architect, a wife, a mother, a homemaker and a performing artiste now, she wears many hats with grace. Her music is important to her, and despite being busy with everything else in life, her time for everyday riyaaz is non-negotiable.

One voice, many stages

A recipient of the ‘President’s Gold Medal’ by the All India Radio for Semi classical and Light music, Dhanashri stood first in Hindustani Vocal music in the All India competition by Acharya Vishwanath Dev Sarma foundation, USA and is a Graded artist of all India radio. She has performed at various classical and semi classical music concerts in India and abroad.
The Pandit Sawai Gandharva Bhimsen Mahotsav is one of the world’s most prominent and popular Indian classical concerts. This program was started in 1953 by Pandit Bhimsen Joshi, a great Hindustani classical singer, as a music conference to commemorate the achievements of his master, the legendary Pandit Sawai Gandharva. To any Hindustani music afficinado this program will be on the top of any list as a must go to program. It is also extremely popular as a concert that showcases every upcoming and promising talent in the world of Hindustani classical music. Dhanashri Ghaisas was invited to sing on this stage in 2016.
Ganasaraswati Mahotsav is another great stage, which was started in 2013 to commemorate the Ganasaraswati Kishori Amonkar Tai’s contribution to music. This stage not only is a stage for taking the music of legends to the masses but it also promotes upcoming promising talent too.
Performances on these stages such as Shreemath Sangeet Samaroh in Benaras, the Pandit Mallikarjun Mahotsav in Dharwad, and many others too, are very special to her as audiences in such places are quite learned and it’s a joy to perform in places where the music is understood, not only appreciated.
Dhanashri has also received the Late Seetaram Dixit and Malati Dixit award for semi-classical music, as well as scholarships from the Ministry of Culture, Government of India, the Sawai Gandharva Scholarship and the Late Ushatai Muzumdar scholarship.

Born into music

Dhanashri was born into a musically inclined family and grew up listening to music. Her mother is a classical music student, who trained under Smt Kamal Tambe, a senior disciple of Ganatapaswini Moghubai Kurdikar. She grew up surrounded by the Hindustani genre, thus being strongly influenced by it. She considers herself fortunate and blessed to have Dr Ashwini Bhide as her guru, whom she fondly refers to as Ashwini tai. But the inherent talent only started nurturing and forming shape in her teens. Her first guru Smt. Kumudini Katadare disciple of Smt. Kamal Tambe started honing her skills at the age of 16.
Later, it was but the most natural choice to turn to her own aunt, her mother’s brother’s wife, Dr Ashwini Bhide, who took her under her guidance, furthering her natural talents and inclination towards Hindustani classical Sangeet.

My Guru, my tai

Not only music, but a way of life is what one learns from a guru. Every guru and shishya has a special bond, and a Guru is more than just a teacher. Not only does she impart her knowledge, a guru shows you the path.
guru can give you their best, but it is on the shishya to take it forward by diligent ‘riyaaz’ and practice, and being the shishya of a vocalist fo Dr Bhide’s stature certainly comes with a responsibility. “As everyone knows, Ashwini Bhide is a multi-faceted person. From acquiring masters in Microbiology to a Doctorate in Biochemistry, it doesn’t come easy. Seeing how she did so well in whatever she took up, was a huge learning curve for me and all her students,” says Dhanashri.
Before Dhanashri got married and moved to Mumbai she shuttled her way from Pune to Mumbai every week for her sessions with her guru Dr Bhide. Learning was always an enjoyable process which she never considered a chore. Her motto has been to enjoy her learning curve as much as possible.
One may ponder: on belonging to one family, how did they maintain a guru shishya distance? “My tai never differentiated between other students and me. Though being a part of the family and being a close knit one gave me an edge to observe the thought process and creativity of a great mind and how it works. To observe a genius living, breathing and thinking so closely was a privilege,” shares Dhanashri.

A raag or a building – make the foundation strong!

Dhanashri is also an architect, who has worked in the field of architecture for 5 years. She gave it all up for music, as her calling for it was much stronger, thus making music her chosen path.
“Both these subjects are very close to my heart. I feel they are both mediums of expressions, and are trying to say something, an idea, thought or emotion. When you design a building, its foundation is the most important thing, but you also have to pay attention to its aesthetics, utility, and functionality. In music, a musician has to build a raag, with sur-lay getting together, and create good music.”
Furthering this thought, she shares, “There is a sense of proportion, symmetry, and balance that is common to both, as both are art forms. It could be structured like a building or expressed like a painting. What you have to say is most important.”

Passion for whatever you do is supreme

On how she manages motherhood and a musical journey, Dhanashri feels, if one is passionate, nothing can stop you from your goals. Having a family is a blessing, not a stop or hindrance. “My family has been my biggest support system and I owe them everything. If there is enough passion in you, you will manage everything and still find time for your art or job or whatever it is you do. Being passionate enough is everything to sustain multi tasking in life, I feel”.

Is it a race out there like every other field?

I always enjoyed what I learnt, I never looked at it as – oh I have to do this, come what may, I will accomplish this. No, that wasn’t the approach for me. There was a love for music, and I thoroughly enjoyed my classes and learnt with immense joy”.
Dhanashri also feels there is a healthy competitive spirit around her, and she wants to do better than yesterday and doesn’t compare herself to anyone. She owes a lot of this to her Tai, whom she quotes advising, “Find your individuality in your music, and establish that.” Dhanashri makes it her moto to follow this and tries to be very individualistic in her renderings.
I was fortunate to listen to her croon exclusively for me, a woman centric Hori, “Tum Radhe bano Shyam, hum nandalala”, you be the radhe, and let me be Krishna for a change, and play hori with me. Dhanashri’s bold but extremely melodious voice continues to linger in my ears.

Riyaaz is the only way, no shortcuts!

Dhanashri stresses on everyday riyaaz, because, “if you are practicing on a daily basis then you have command over your medium through which you are trying to express your music. You can then present your music to your best of your ability in a concert. Accompanying the guru on stage is a huge learning experience. Tai always gives her shishyas an opportunity to sing in between in her concerts, and does appreciate if they do well, and encourages them to do better. Sometimes listening to a shishya accompanying her guru on the taanpura, people invite them to perform independently in festivals which are organised to showcase the talent of new budding artistes like us.”

Message to all budding artistes

“If you have enough passion about your own music, pursue it. Enjoy the process, and work hard.“
Images source: Dhanashri Ghaisas

Friday, June 22, 2018

My Castle Nap In UK!



We all think too much these days, and we analyze and dissect every thought or emotion or logic we have. In a way its good, it keeps us busy and engaged. But how productive are we when we do this? Does it serve us any purpose? Yesterday, I wrote about how much i analyze and think and my wish to do lesser and think lesser and be the observer. In the past i have also written about listening as an art. 

As I think and write about this, i am taken aback to a day in my life, somewhere a decade ago. It was one time, i think i had the most restful sleep in my entire life. I slept like a baby under a beautiful tree. This was in UK, a castle called Leeds castle, near London. In its larger than life premises, no vehicles are allowed. Its not like India where, we lazy buggers are allowed that lenience everywhere, and if we don't get it, we fight against rules and "Protest". 

It was afternoon time and we had had a nice game of volleyball and frisbee with a team full of enthusiastic colleagues of my husband. We had had our packed meal like typical Indians, laid out picnic baskets and all and right on the sprawling lawns of the Leeds, we had our lunch. I remember it was opposite the maze that our India noisy group sat and gobbled on Parathas with pickles and curd rice. 

After lunch the team decided it was time for 'tug of war' and the wives or girl friends on one team and men on the other or some thing like this was decided. So down the team went to a stream or pond and decided to battle it out there. As I saw all of them running excitedly towards the pond, something struck me. The sheer beauty of that place and the view I got from there. I decided to stay back there and found myself a small place under a massive tree's shade. I loitered around there while I could hear the entire team of this excited Indian bunch bubbling with enthusiasm down there with their rope and preparations to pull and tug at it. 

I had a mat with me and i laid it out and there i went. I sat there staring at the English Countryside with almost jaw dropping at how beautiful it was. It was sheer bliss. And we were in the backyard of a castle, what more could i ask for. For a new bride, i was quite the contrary, comfortable in my new environment. I had no idea this was going to be my best nap ever. As this group faded from my eyes, i relished the breeze around, the English sun, my own stories of the castle and the past in my head, the lunch, i never realized my eyes just shut and there I went into a beautiful siesta on the grass. I have no idea how long i slept or whether some grasshoppers went over my head, but I had the best sleep ever. I still remember how rested I was laying in the grass, watching my husband play like a child with his team members. It was really bliss. I stared into nothing, and then at the group, from there into the pond and stream, at the ducks far off, at white peacocks somewhere really far off, majestically, strutting their stuff up and down for the charmed visitors. 

Sometimes you need to experience that state of no thoughts and no awareness to enjoy life. Now if I think of it, maybe it was my earthly experience of laying in the grass being alive and able to enjoy the world from there. This was my best nap ever. The one which I will cherish for long. Leeds Castle, Uk. :) 

Anybody reading this, if you think this was something you related to, write to me, about your favourite nap time, where, how, whys.. Should be interesting. 

(PS- If you are in London, or UK, visit some castles, its worth it) :) 


Capernaum